You know that bittersweet feeling when the year ends? Yeah. Today I was on the verge of crying because it was my last day volunteering at Sheridan and we had our last Y-Scholars seminar of the year. I miss it all so much already because the group means so much to me. I was sad at the beginning of the year when so many people from last year left--though it's because they graduated or really had no time. This year it's the same. It's nice when people move forward in their lives, but I can't help wishing we'd still be together. Not just Y-Scholars, but everyone in general. We're always so busy and never have enough time together, and one day it goes away.
I have my V-Staff interview next year. I'm already excited for Y-Scholars next year when Ariel and Goly are going to be Coordinators and Nick, Ben, Louise, and I are going to be V-Staffs. I'm so excited for next year overall.
But darn it, I can't let it go. I loved this semester and this year overall so much. How can college be half over? I don't want it to be.
I'm declaring my philosophy major tomorrow. That's pretty exciting. On Friday I will be meeting with a professor to discuss me volunteering in lab. That's pretty exciting as well. Well, nervous and exciting for both.
Hey, guess what? Today I finally had something to say in my philosophy of quantum mechanics class, and the professor went on for 20 minutes about it. I felt so proud of myself. Seriously. How far have I come since the first day of that class? :P
With each and every one of my experiences in college, I'm starting to formulate that ideal me I'd like to become. Or what I want to do in life.
I want to know so much. That part is for sure and was for sure for a while now. At least I was sure of it when I decided to double major in philosophy right from the first day of the school year. I knew it when being a CBS student hurts over and over again but I still wanted to major in neuroscience because I just want to know so much about the brain and the mind. I just want to research, research, research, and research.
But my experiences tutoring and volunteering with Y-Scholars made me realize that I love teaching so much, and that I want to be a good leader.
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams
I saw that quote today while browsing through inspirational stuff (I was feeling inspired and nostalgic), and it so truly describes what I want to do and become. Sometimes I get so frustrated over how I'm not assertive enough to affect students at my school sites more. When students say they hate everything about school, I wish I could have changed it. When I meet those students over and over again, I really never go on for too long without wonder what has become of them and what good things I truly wish for their lives. Has so-and-so been accepted to college? If not, what is she doing? What's going on in their lives?
"Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves." - Stephen Covey
Actually, I chose the title of this post because "Run" by Nada Surf is about being inspired. In Stephen Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he mentioned how he taught his little kid to share with others by first teaching her what it means to have. I thought about how true this is, the fact that giving is about knowing what it means to have. I want to learn and know so much because knowledge means something so great to me, and because of that, I want to teach; I want to give it to others. At one point, I've already made the decision that I want to go to graduate school because I don't like the idea of medical school and I really want to avoid work work. But as I learn more about the research world and how much I love teaching, it's as if going to graduate school and becoming a professor, as well as an intellectual, is what I need to do. It's what I want to do.
And it's so scary to have that feeling. That feeling of knowing what you want to do.
I really am hoping that I might be able to volunteer teaching English this summer with MNIC, but with volunteering in lab, taking Calc III, and doing some philosophy groups with Scott and others (I had the idea of forming a writing group and he said we should do it, and he might continue his reading group)... I don't know if I can do it. Really depends on my lab schedule, though to be honest, I really want to put everything into learning about research.
I should get a good night sleep. No class until 11:40 am on Wednesday, but I could use a really good night sleep anyway.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Lift Me Up
Today's post title comes from Kate Voegele's song, "Lift Me Up." I'm surprised I haven't used this title yet, since this song has meant so much to me since I've first heard it in the summer of 2008. Bolded my favorite parts of the lyrics.
This road is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle I've seen high and I've seen low
So loud, the voices of all my doubts
Telling me to give up, to pack up and leave town
Even so, I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me, yeah
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Somewhere, everybody starts there
I'm counting on a small prayer,
Lost in a nightmare
But I'm here, and suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It taught me to outrun my fears
Everything worth having, oh
Comes with trials worth withstanding
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
Oh, Lift me up
Down and out is overrated
And I need to be elevated
Looking up is not enough
No, I would rather rise above
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Oh, oh, oh, just begun
Lift me up, yeah, oh, oh, oh, yeah, now
Oh, oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
-------------------
This week has been good. Really good. I got some replies from professors I've contacted, so I'm feeling more hopeful about actually getting a lab to volunteer. On Tuesday, I volunteered at Feed My Starving Children with Y-Scholars, and that was a great experience. Thursday was good. Having coffee with Dan while listening to him tell me about his lab experience was something I really needed. Philosophy club went well. Not to mention how my independent project for Biol 2004 is going well too. Measuring the concentration of 32 yeast cultures wasn't exactly my idea of fun today--and we'll have to do it two more times--but I'm glad the experiment is working.
The semester is ending, and I'm a little glad. But I just don't want to let go of it. I started out hating the semester so much because of the hard work and how missed last semester, but I've come to love it all. And I don't want any of it to go away. Moving forward is so hard. To be honest, I wish I could be a college student for the rest of my life. I can't believe it's already going to be half over.
This road is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle I've seen high and I've seen low
So loud, the voices of all my doubts
Telling me to give up, to pack up and leave town
Even so, I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me, yeah
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Somewhere, everybody starts there
I'm counting on a small prayer,
Lost in a nightmare
But I'm here, and suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It taught me to outrun my fears
Everything worth having, oh
Comes with trials worth withstanding
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
Oh, Lift me up
Down and out is overrated
And I need to be elevated
Looking up is not enough
No, I would rather rise above
So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun
Oh, oh, oh, just begun
Lift me up, yeah, oh, oh, oh, yeah, now
Oh, oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
-------------------
This week has been good. Really good. I got some replies from professors I've contacted, so I'm feeling more hopeful about actually getting a lab to volunteer. On Tuesday, I volunteered at Feed My Starving Children with Y-Scholars, and that was a great experience. Thursday was good. Having coffee with Dan while listening to him tell me about his lab experience was something I really needed. Philosophy club went well. Not to mention how my independent project for Biol 2004 is going well too. Measuring the concentration of 32 yeast cultures wasn't exactly my idea of fun today--and we'll have to do it two more times--but I'm glad the experiment is working.
The semester is ending, and I'm a little glad. But I just don't want to let go of it. I started out hating the semester so much because of the hard work and how missed last semester, but I've come to love it all. And I don't want any of it to go away. Moving forward is so hard. To be honest, I wish I could be a college student for the rest of my life. I can't believe it's already going to be half over.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Only Fooling Myself
Okay, so the song in the title is about something else, but the phrase alone is appropriate for what I'm about to say, I think...? (Awesome song, by the way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY9hFX39cM0)
This morning I woke up to an email of bad news, which is an email from the student board that they couldn't offer me a position. I don't care too much because CBS is full of crap to begin with, but rejection still sucks. I thought my application was okay, at least.
To hell with them, but now I'm just questioning whether I'm really doing enough. I mean, I don't know what else I can really do if I'm not because I work 9 hours a week in the prep room; I volunteer with the University YMCA at only ONE site but without a car and with seminar the same night, I'm booked for pretty much most of 2-8 pm on Tuesdays; I have a decent load of classes--including upper-level non-CBS classes, and I also contribute a decent amount to group works in Biol 2003-4; as of last week, I'm tutoring from 7:45 pm to whenever on Tuesdays--which means I rush out of Y-Scholars seminar early to Bierman.
I'm not going to include Philosophy Club in that mess because it's actually more therapeutic for me than anything. It keeps me sane; and I love philosophy majors, really. But I do read and put time into it.
...I guess I do have Thursday afternoons free and I'm done by 2:15 pm on Fridays when I don't have to do work for Biol 2004--which is like 50% of the time, and I'm free until 11:40 am on Wednesdays. Otherwise I have stuff going on from 8 or 8:30 am til at least 5 (with a little lunch break every day--THANK GOD).
Oh, and my grades are okay.
Maybe it's not this semester that is the issue. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't really do much my freshman year, other than almost going crazy with one of my Y-Scholars site Spring '09.
I'm just frustrated with the idea that I'm possibly not doing enough and I don't know what else I can give because this semester I drink like 7 cups of coffee every week and I sleep for only 5 hours most nights. Still, I fall asleep in genetics for about 10-20 minutes 80% of the time and I get so close to falling asleep almost every day in philosophy of quantum mechanics--though I can't sleep because it's a little class and the teacher is less than a yard away.
Next year I'm planning on taking 20 credits, if my research plans work out and I can do 3 credits of directed research. I'm going to pretty much have a stressful job at the prep room because I still don't know why in the world they think I can replace Melissa when she graduates. I'm possibly going to be a volunteer staff for Y-Scholars because I love the group so much.
The biggest decision I have to make right now is whether I want to keep tutoring. It hurts me more than it benefits me because I have to put time into preparing for tutoring sessions, and it takes me time to walk to the far side of campus, and I get paid decently but I never recorded any time when I wasn't in Bierman... which means I actually don't earn much at all. But I just don't want to quit. Plus, sometimes it's really rewarding. Last semester I had less issue with worrying about grades because helping others made me realize that I didn't need to be a genius to be appreciated.
And I want to do directed research (hopefully I'll get to volunteer this summer--if I don't, I'm screwed).
*sigh* It's times like these when I'm so thankful for philosophy. What would I do without philosophy?
I wish I had more time to read philosophy, but no, science wants your soul and all of it.
You know, now that I looked at my schedule again, I can't do it all. I can't do Y-Scholars, work, tutor (technically also work), and do directed research.
I need to throw one of the last two away. I might just volunteer in a lab for less hours to compromise like I always do. Jeez, I need to learn how to quit.
This morning I woke up to an email of bad news, which is an email from the student board that they couldn't offer me a position. I don't care too much because CBS is full of crap to begin with, but rejection still sucks. I thought my application was okay, at least.
To hell with them, but now I'm just questioning whether I'm really doing enough. I mean, I don't know what else I can really do if I'm not because I work 9 hours a week in the prep room; I volunteer with the University YMCA at only ONE site but without a car and with seminar the same night, I'm booked for pretty much most of 2-8 pm on Tuesdays; I have a decent load of classes--including upper-level non-CBS classes, and I also contribute a decent amount to group works in Biol 2003-4; as of last week, I'm tutoring from 7:45 pm to whenever on Tuesdays--which means I rush out of Y-Scholars seminar early to Bierman.
I'm not going to include Philosophy Club in that mess because it's actually more therapeutic for me than anything. It keeps me sane; and I love philosophy majors, really. But I do read and put time into it.
...I guess I do have Thursday afternoons free and I'm done by 2:15 pm on Fridays when I don't have to do work for Biol 2004--which is like 50% of the time, and I'm free until 11:40 am on Wednesdays. Otherwise I have stuff going on from 8 or 8:30 am til at least 5 (with a little lunch break every day--THANK GOD).
Oh, and my grades are okay.
Maybe it's not this semester that is the issue. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't really do much my freshman year, other than almost going crazy with one of my Y-Scholars site Spring '09.
I'm just frustrated with the idea that I'm possibly not doing enough and I don't know what else I can give because this semester I drink like 7 cups of coffee every week and I sleep for only 5 hours most nights. Still, I fall asleep in genetics for about 10-20 minutes 80% of the time and I get so close to falling asleep almost every day in philosophy of quantum mechanics--though I can't sleep because it's a little class and the teacher is less than a yard away.
Next year I'm planning on taking 20 credits, if my research plans work out and I can do 3 credits of directed research. I'm going to pretty much have a stressful job at the prep room because I still don't know why in the world they think I can replace Melissa when she graduates. I'm possibly going to be a volunteer staff for Y-Scholars because I love the group so much.
The biggest decision I have to make right now is whether I want to keep tutoring. It hurts me more than it benefits me because I have to put time into preparing for tutoring sessions, and it takes me time to walk to the far side of campus, and I get paid decently but I never recorded any time when I wasn't in Bierman... which means I actually don't earn much at all. But I just don't want to quit. Plus, sometimes it's really rewarding. Last semester I had less issue with worrying about grades because helping others made me realize that I didn't need to be a genius to be appreciated.
And I want to do directed research (hopefully I'll get to volunteer this summer--if I don't, I'm screwed).
*sigh* It's times like these when I'm so thankful for philosophy. What would I do without philosophy?
I wish I had more time to read philosophy, but no, science wants your soul and all of it.
You know, now that I looked at my schedule again, I can't do it all. I can't do Y-Scholars, work, tutor (technically also work), and do directed research.
I need to throw one of the last two away. I might just volunteer in a lab for less hours to compromise like I always do. Jeez, I need to learn how to quit.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Not again...
You know what ruined my day? Me coming home late (like 9-ish) and my mom asking me if I've stayed at school late to tutor. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but I hate it when parents assume you're always doing something school-related, as if to imply that you should. Annoys the hell out of me.
I really hate it when parents assume they have to tell you to do your homework or study. I mean, it's my future. I KNOW. And I don't always hate it.
Gaaah. I don't want to bother complaining anymore. I stopped writing this and did something else, so now I can't finish, haha.
But yeah, frustration.
I really hate it when parents assume they have to tell you to do your homework or study. I mean, it's my future. I KNOW. And I don't always hate it.
Gaaah. I don't want to bother complaining anymore. I stopped writing this and did something else, so now I can't finish, haha.
But yeah, frustration.
Monday, March 29, 2010
New Terrain
I might have used this post title before, but it's Mew's "New Terrain," one of my favorite Mew songs ever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GdxNxGOGx4
Okay, I should be working on my yeast paper, but that sucks the joy out of my day so I'll take a little break. Today's lab was actually fun. Is it crazy to say I love my group (to a certain extent) even though I obviously do more work than everyone else combined? I mean, we do have fun in lab, and I don't mind doing the work, so it's all good. So maybe I'm just crazy for enjoying the work.
I also love being a leader, not really the part where I boss people around (I actually hate that), but the part where I take responsibility and have that good influence on others.
So spring is here. It's wonderful. I can't help being nostalgic and reflective when a new season starts. I listen to playlists from the past and memories rush back to me all over again. No, not just memories, but all that I can't describe in words. College is almost HALF over, how weird is that? Most of what's been on my mind lately is just the whole "what's next?"
But that's been frustrating, so how about talking about the nearer future instead? Here are more plans:
Summer 2010:
1) Volunteer in a lab. I'm going to devote as many hours as I need to, to learn all I can about being part of a lab, whichever specific lab I end up in.
2) Stop being so lazy about tutoring. Mike said there are student-athletes taking summer classes, so I'll get back to tutoring if I can. Since I now have a better idea of what subjects I tutor (chemistry and physics, mostly), I'm going to make little guides on important skills, like unit conversions.
3) Work on Linear Algebra.
4) Learn everything I can about working in the prep room... because next year I'll have to know it all.
5) Read more philosophy. Read Darwin's Origin of Species
Summer 2011:
Hopefully get into a research program. Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory is one of my top choices because it seems like an amazing place, plus James D. Watson is there. Having written my term paper for philosophy of biological sciences on how the discovery of the double-helix transformed biology, I would be so honored if I get the opportunity to meet the co-discoverer of DNA. I think I would die.
If I can do all this, I'd be proud of myself. I'm afraid of underachieving, but it happens from time to time. I just want things to be right, according to my plans.
Okay, I should be working on my yeast paper, but that sucks the joy out of my day so I'll take a little break. Today's lab was actually fun. Is it crazy to say I love my group (to a certain extent) even though I obviously do more work than everyone else combined? I mean, we do have fun in lab, and I don't mind doing the work, so it's all good. So maybe I'm just crazy for enjoying the work.
I also love being a leader, not really the part where I boss people around (I actually hate that), but the part where I take responsibility and have that good influence on others.
So spring is here. It's wonderful. I can't help being nostalgic and reflective when a new season starts. I listen to playlists from the past and memories rush back to me all over again. No, not just memories, but all that I can't describe in words. College is almost HALF over, how weird is that? Most of what's been on my mind lately is just the whole "what's next?"
But that's been frustrating, so how about talking about the nearer future instead? Here are more plans:
Summer 2010:
1) Volunteer in a lab. I'm going to devote as many hours as I need to, to learn all I can about being part of a lab, whichever specific lab I end up in.
2) Stop being so lazy about tutoring. Mike said there are student-athletes taking summer classes, so I'll get back to tutoring if I can. Since I now have a better idea of what subjects I tutor (chemistry and physics, mostly), I'm going to make little guides on important skills, like unit conversions.
3) Work on Linear Algebra.
4) Learn everything I can about working in the prep room... because next year I'll have to know it all.
5) Read more philosophy. Read Darwin's Origin of Species
Summer 2011:
Hopefully get into a research program. Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory is one of my top choices because it seems like an amazing place, plus James D. Watson is there. Having written my term paper for philosophy of biological sciences on how the discovery of the double-helix transformed biology, I would be so honored if I get the opportunity to meet the co-discoverer of DNA. I think I would die.
If I can do all this, I'd be proud of myself. I'm afraid of underachieving, but it happens from time to time. I just want things to be right, according to my plans.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
World Spins Madly On
Change of plan because CBS Student Services (ugh) won't let me sign up for Cell Biology. I happily decided I'll take Linear Algebra (aka Calc IV) instead. I'm excited because I LOVE math, and this is the math they used in quantum mechanics, at least in my philosophy of quantum mechanics class.
Last night I tried looking at grad schools and as usual, things don't turn out well. I feel like it's all so beyond my abilities. Not only that, I also question whether I really want to study certain things. I'm definitely looking at something neuroscience-related, but I don't know what branch of neuroscience I want to focus on. Do I want to focus on molecular/cellular neuroscience or the more computer-related stuff, or cognitive neuroscience? Jeez, is it naive to say I just want to know everything about the mind and the brain? See, it's not even just limited to neuroscience; I want to learn about it from the most abstract perspective (philosophy) to the most scientific (neuroscience).
Looking at grad school programs just made me confused all over again. Where's the clarity I thought I had?
Oh, and last week I definitely had one of those CBS-hating moments. Thank goodness for philosophy, and mostly, for philosophy club. Sometimes it frustrates me how intelligent yet mindless CBS students are--none of my friends, of course, but many of the others. Philosophy keeps my mind from rotting away, seriously. There's so much more passion in wanting to learn and everything. There are times when I'm sick of analyzing every darn thing to the point I'd almost tell someone if something they say isn't logically coherent (and risk getting weird looks), but overall, I don't know what I'd do without philosophy. I'd go crazy, that's what.
So now I'm studying for genetics even though the next midterm is two weeks away. Bad grades hurt. I didn't exactly put in much effort into the last midterm, and that's why it hurts so much--I could have done better. So this time I'll do better.
Last night I watched the latest episode of Life UneXpected. It's such a sweet episode. I'm disappointed they play songs that are way too new for me to be able to get on iTunes though. I wanted The Weepies' "Add My Effort" so badly, but from their twitter, it seems that the song is pretty much brand new.
Anyway, the title of the post is another of The Weepies' song.
Listen to it
I love it so much. It just gives you the sense how as quickly life goes on no matter how stuck you are, and how you're bound to miss out on other things, yet you can't move on anyway. I can't relate to this at the moment, but in relations to how fast time keeps moving, maybe...? Sometimes I wish I could just stop time for myself. I wish I could sit and think, or even sleep and let my mind wander away from school and all that for a bit.
Last night I tried looking at grad schools and as usual, things don't turn out well. I feel like it's all so beyond my abilities. Not only that, I also question whether I really want to study certain things. I'm definitely looking at something neuroscience-related, but I don't know what branch of neuroscience I want to focus on. Do I want to focus on molecular/cellular neuroscience or the more computer-related stuff, or cognitive neuroscience? Jeez, is it naive to say I just want to know everything about the mind and the brain? See, it's not even just limited to neuroscience; I want to learn about it from the most abstract perspective (philosophy) to the most scientific (neuroscience).
Looking at grad school programs just made me confused all over again. Where's the clarity I thought I had?
Oh, and last week I definitely had one of those CBS-hating moments. Thank goodness for philosophy, and mostly, for philosophy club. Sometimes it frustrates me how intelligent yet mindless CBS students are--none of my friends, of course, but many of the others. Philosophy keeps my mind from rotting away, seriously. There's so much more passion in wanting to learn and everything. There are times when I'm sick of analyzing every darn thing to the point I'd almost tell someone if something they say isn't logically coherent (and risk getting weird looks), but overall, I don't know what I'd do without philosophy. I'd go crazy, that's what.
So now I'm studying for genetics even though the next midterm is two weeks away. Bad grades hurt. I didn't exactly put in much effort into the last midterm, and that's why it hurts so much--I could have done better. So this time I'll do better.
Last night I watched the latest episode of Life UneXpected. It's such a sweet episode. I'm disappointed they play songs that are way too new for me to be able to get on iTunes though. I wanted The Weepies' "Add My Effort" so badly, but from their twitter, it seems that the song is pretty much brand new.
Anyway, the title of the post is another of The Weepies' song.
Listen to it
I love it so much. It just gives you the sense how as quickly life goes on no matter how stuck you are, and how you're bound to miss out on other things, yet you can't move on anyway. I can't relate to this at the moment, but in relations to how fast time keeps moving, maybe...? Sometimes I wish I could just stop time for myself. I wish I could sit and think, or even sleep and let my mind wander away from school and all that for a bit.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Doing the Unstuck
The Cure's "Doing the Unstuck" is awesome. I've never listened to it but I accidentally clicked on it in my iTunes library last night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9zvk15rlcE (I don't know what's with the title in the video, but it's the same song)
Last night I attended CBS' GRE to PhD event, which was pretty informative but also made me so nervous about grad school application. Luckily it's not like I'm pressed for time since I'm only a sophomore, but now I feel like I want to start studying for the GRE this summer because I really want to do well.
I don't even know what I want to study yet, but right now it's either neuroscience, molecular biology, or cognitive science. I'm more aiming towards the last one right now because 1) it's a combination of so much that I'm interested in (neuroscience, philosophy, psychology, linguistics, etc)--it's like a dream come true for me, and 2) as much as I love biology, some people that can't think beyond medicine and health sciences frustrate the hell out of me sometimes. But I don't know if I want to study more neuroscience before I move on to cognitive science. I might just aim to try to take a lot of upper-division neuroscience courses here before I graduate.
Registration is coming up soon (3 weeks--way too far away actually), and GradPlanner current looks like this:
Fall 2010: Intro to Neuro. I, OChem Lab, Scientific Thought, Intro to Ethical Theory, and a history of science class because I love science and I still need to fulfill lib.ed. requirements
I'm personally scared about having TWO writing-intensive philosophy classes at the same time, especially because ethics is one of those branches in philosophy that I haven't read much on. I'm so so so excited for Scientific Thought though. Oh, and I'm super pumped for neuro I!
Spring 2011: Intro to Neuro. II, Zoology/Animal Phys.+Animal Diversity Lab OR Animal Behavior (I need both, but I'm pretty sure the won't work at the same time because those St. Paul classes conflict so much), ideally some literature class (lib.ed.), a philosophy class, and I really really really want to take Calc III because I need a "strong math record" for cognitive science
Fall 2011: Neuro Lab, an upper-division neuroscience class, Calc IV, and I think I want to write my senior paper for philosophy then too, and some other stuff (maybe take care of my last lib.ed.)
Spring 2012: An upper-division neuroscience class, Zoology/etc. or Animal Behavior (depending on which I take in 2011), and the rest is up to me, really...
Of course I have to insert directed research in somewhere, and I might want to take stats, some linguistics class, some upper-division cognitive psych class, some computer science class or ANYTHING cognitive science related.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9zvk15rlcE (I don't know what's with the title in the video, but it's the same song)
Last night I attended CBS' GRE to PhD event, which was pretty informative but also made me so nervous about grad school application. Luckily it's not like I'm pressed for time since I'm only a sophomore, but now I feel like I want to start studying for the GRE this summer because I really want to do well.
I don't even know what I want to study yet, but right now it's either neuroscience, molecular biology, or cognitive science. I'm more aiming towards the last one right now because 1) it's a combination of so much that I'm interested in (neuroscience, philosophy, psychology, linguistics, etc)--it's like a dream come true for me, and 2) as much as I love biology, some people that can't think beyond medicine and health sciences frustrate the hell out of me sometimes. But I don't know if I want to study more neuroscience before I move on to cognitive science. I might just aim to try to take a lot of upper-division neuroscience courses here before I graduate.
Registration is coming up soon (3 weeks--way too far away actually), and GradPlanner current looks like this:
Fall 2010: Intro to Neuro. I, OChem Lab, Scientific Thought, Intro to Ethical Theory, and a history of science class because I love science and I still need to fulfill lib.ed. requirements
I'm personally scared about having TWO writing-intensive philosophy classes at the same time, especially because ethics is one of those branches in philosophy that I haven't read much on. I'm so so so excited for Scientific Thought though. Oh, and I'm super pumped for neuro I!
Spring 2011: Intro to Neuro. II, Zoology/Animal Phys.+Animal Diversity Lab OR Animal Behavior (I need both, but I'm pretty sure the won't work at the same time because those St. Paul classes conflict so much), ideally some literature class (lib.ed.), a philosophy class, and I really really really want to take Calc III because I need a "strong math record" for cognitive science
Fall 2011: Neuro Lab, an upper-division neuroscience class, Calc IV, and I think I want to write my senior paper for philosophy then too, and some other stuff (maybe take care of my last lib.ed.)
Spring 2012: An upper-division neuroscience class, Zoology/etc. or Animal Behavior (depending on which I take in 2011), and the rest is up to me, really...
Of course I have to insert directed research in somewhere, and I might want to take stats, some linguistics class, some upper-division cognitive psych class, some computer science class or ANYTHING cognitive science related.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Hmmm
I should blog more. Ugh. It's just difficult to organize your thoughts sometimes.
I'm tired, and writing the introduction for my yeast phylogeny paper is not the most interesting thing in the world.
I hateeeeeee it.
Sorry this post lacks substance so badly.
I'm tired, and writing the introduction for my yeast phylogeny paper is not the most interesting thing in the world.
I hateeeeeee it.
Sorry this post lacks substance so badly.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Ugh...
So much for a wonderful period of two weeks. I don't know why it feels so nice to try to keep a record of how long life can go on with me being completely happy (for the most part), but it just does, though now I sadly have to admit it's gone. I feel horrible, and it's my fault.
The thing is, I know I can genuinely be a nice and caring person. I know that there are people that can genuinely say that about me, not to sound conceited or anything, but I just know I can be that person. Or that I am that person. At least sometimes.
But there are times and situations when I just seriously need to stop being so mean and sarcastic to people I'm only that way to because I think they're cool, and I wouldn't bother with them otherwise. It's just, why can't I express it differently, y'know? Why do I have to go too far sometimes? It's like, I know I've crossed the line, but I still don't want to let people know I'm vulnerable to them when I really am.
I'm just so tired I don't want to write this anymore. But I'm hoping things will be better. I still feel horrible.
The thing is, I know I can genuinely be a nice and caring person. I know that there are people that can genuinely say that about me, not to sound conceited or anything, but I just know I can be that person. Or that I am that person. At least sometimes.
But there are times and situations when I just seriously need to stop being so mean and sarcastic to people I'm only that way to because I think they're cool, and I wouldn't bother with them otherwise. It's just, why can't I express it differently, y'know? Why do I have to go too far sometimes? It's like, I know I've crossed the line, but I still don't want to let people know I'm vulnerable to them when I really am.
I'm just so tired I don't want to write this anymore. But I'm hoping things will be better. I still feel horrible.
Friday I'm In Love (again)
Yeah, I'm recycling a title, but I love the song (even though my entire week has been good, really) and I'm glad it's Friday because I really haven't had much sleep all week. Plus, I'm excited to go into lab, how sad is that?
Ok, haha, so yesterday (Thursday) was simply hilarious.
I spent almost all of biology doing this really difficult sudoku. Then I found out my philosophy of psychology class was canceled--and I feel guilty for being way too happy about that, since the professor is out sick--so I finished the sudoku. Well, I actually messed it up, and it was funny because by then I was sitting in philosophy of quantum mechanics, and I tried to make certain boxes of the sudoku superpositions of different numbers. Nope, didn't work.
I was so tired, so I thought about skipping philosophy club that evening and just go home. But as I was waiting at the bus stop, Mike and Stephen came by (and they're such a hilarious pair), so I tagged along with them for lunch at Village Wok. I had a good lunch, the heaviest meal in a while. I haven't been having much appetite lately, but that was good.
Anyway, I decided not to skip philosophy club. I went to Moos to hang out with Manoja, and wow, we were so distracted. I don't think I read a single word of this article I was supposed to be reading, haha. We chatted until almost 6, when she had class and I had philosophy club--both around Dinkytown.
So I ended up going to philosophy club, which was fun even though I told Scott I didn't do the reading and was THAT close to going home. It was funny.
Good day.
Time to stop slacking off for real.
Ok, haha, so yesterday (Thursday) was simply hilarious.
I spent almost all of biology doing this really difficult sudoku. Then I found out my philosophy of psychology class was canceled--and I feel guilty for being way too happy about that, since the professor is out sick--so I finished the sudoku. Well, I actually messed it up, and it was funny because by then I was sitting in philosophy of quantum mechanics, and I tried to make certain boxes of the sudoku superpositions of different numbers. Nope, didn't work.
I was so tired, so I thought about skipping philosophy club that evening and just go home. But as I was waiting at the bus stop, Mike and Stephen came by (and they're such a hilarious pair), so I tagged along with them for lunch at Village Wok. I had a good lunch, the heaviest meal in a while. I haven't been having much appetite lately, but that was good.
Anyway, I decided not to skip philosophy club. I went to Moos to hang out with Manoja, and wow, we were so distracted. I don't think I read a single word of this article I was supposed to be reading, haha. We chatted until almost 6, when she had class and I had philosophy club--both around Dinkytown.
So I ended up going to philosophy club, which was fun even though I told Scott I didn't do the reading and was THAT close to going home. It was funny.
Good day.
Time to stop slacking off for real.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Happy Up Here
I tried to find a song with a title that fits how I'm feeling, so there you go. Royksopp's "Happy Up Here."
I'm happy, really. Life's nice. Life's been sweet for at least a week now. Nothing in particular (maybe?), but things have just been going well.
Maybe it's my lucky charm--I found an empty (unopened) bag of sugar a while ago so I kept it as my unofficial lucky charm :P
So today was good. I skipped Philosophy of Psychology to have lunch with Scott, because I don't think it'll ever happen if I wait until later in the week, since our schedules are crazy. I got my take-home midterm for Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics, and I'm so glad it's take-home. That class is a real killer when it comes to content. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep today in class even though the teacher was right in front of me. He was writing on the board a lot though.
After class was volunteering at Sheridan, which went awesome today. I even had a perfect cup of coffee from SuperAmerica (across the street from Sheridan). Hah, I said perfect because I usually mix things really weirdly there, but I recently discovered their bottle of powdered oreos, so I sprinkled that into my coffee, and it was beyond awesome. Except you had to keep stirring or you'll get too much oreos settling at the bottom.
Then I headed to the very amazing CBS bowling event. CBS is so awesome. I had so much fun, even though I had to leave 30 minutes before it was over.
But I'm glad I did because the Y-Scholars seminar this week was sooooo amazing as well. We had an off-site seminar at Noodles & Co., and it was a lot of fun. I love Y-Scholars so much. I'm applying to be a staff member next year, and they said there's not really competition for spots or anything since we can have as many as we want, I guess. So I'm excited for that.
Life is so nice right now. I can't believe this semester is rolling by so quickly. Soon it's going to be spring break, and the registration time, and then finals, and then it's going to be over. Remember when I was whining about how I hated this semester? It's so nice that life has proven me wrong about the semester. It's going great, and I'd say it's even better than last semester because the weather has just been so nice lately. Hmmm, but last semester we had the first snow and everything, didn't we? I don't know. It's not a contest. Life is awesome and I'm sounding really cheesy right now, but so what?
I'm happy, really. Life's nice. Life's been sweet for at least a week now. Nothing in particular (maybe?), but things have just been going well.
Maybe it's my lucky charm--I found an empty (unopened) bag of sugar a while ago so I kept it as my unofficial lucky charm :P
So today was good. I skipped Philosophy of Psychology to have lunch with Scott, because I don't think it'll ever happen if I wait until later in the week, since our schedules are crazy. I got my take-home midterm for Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics, and I'm so glad it's take-home. That class is a real killer when it comes to content. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep today in class even though the teacher was right in front of me. He was writing on the board a lot though.
After class was volunteering at Sheridan, which went awesome today. I even had a perfect cup of coffee from SuperAmerica (across the street from Sheridan). Hah, I said perfect because I usually mix things really weirdly there, but I recently discovered their bottle of powdered oreos, so I sprinkled that into my coffee, and it was beyond awesome. Except you had to keep stirring or you'll get too much oreos settling at the bottom.
Then I headed to the very amazing CBS bowling event. CBS is so awesome. I had so much fun, even though I had to leave 30 minutes before it was over.
But I'm glad I did because the Y-Scholars seminar this week was sooooo amazing as well. We had an off-site seminar at Noodles & Co., and it was a lot of fun. I love Y-Scholars so much. I'm applying to be a staff member next year, and they said there's not really competition for spots or anything since we can have as many as we want, I guess. So I'm excited for that.
Life is so nice right now. I can't believe this semester is rolling by so quickly. Soon it's going to be spring break, and the registration time, and then finals, and then it's going to be over. Remember when I was whining about how I hated this semester? It's so nice that life has proven me wrong about the semester. It's going great, and I'd say it's even better than last semester because the weather has just been so nice lately. Hmmm, but last semester we had the first snow and everything, didn't we? I don't know. It's not a contest. Life is awesome and I'm sounding really cheesy right now, but so what?
Monday, February 22, 2010
Something Good
Last week was kind of ugh. I don't even want to explain why anymore; it's nothing serious, just one of those weeks when you really don't feel good about yourself for no new reasons.
Anyway, it's over, and this week is starting well. I had a good day. Work was a little stressful because Melissa wasn't around today, so I was more on my own. I think I did fine though.
Genetics was actually nice today because we talked about classical experiments in molecular genetics, which are my favorite. I love the history of genetics. Also, we got back our exam, and I got about 84%, which I'm completely satisfied with, to be honest. It's above average, and I was dead worried because I didn't really get to study. It was a crazy week.
Lab for Biol 2004 went great today. I'm starting to love Monday lab times, mostly because the TA's are cool to chat with. One of them said I "talk smack" about others so much. It was hilarious. I mean, of course I didn't say anything with harmful intentions. Oh, I love it. I really can use a Monday afternoon worth of laughter to start off the week.
I came home right away, and in the mail was my Wakey!Wakey! CD's!!! I love them so much. I'm also liking Casey Shea (from the same record company--it's small, but they're amazing). Casey Shea has a bunch of free music available on his (their? --I'm too lazy to go check if they're actually a band) website.
So you know how sometimes you discover or rediscover a song that just speaks to you right to your very core? A portion of Wakey!Wakey!'s "Car Crash" is exactly that for me right now. I mean, maybe just a bit, but either way it's so beautiful:
And now you are hurt,
And you are sure I could not be hurt too.
And just because you're bleeding
You think that I'm not bleeding.
And just because you're full of yourself
Doesn't mean I'm not full of you...
To avoid a painful morning, I'm going to watch this week's episode of One Tree Hill and then sleep.
I wish this week would keep being as amazing as how today was. You know, I'm not at all religious, but I think faith is something real. Life has its difficulties no matter who you are, unless you're just THAT lucky. If you're really going to live, you're going to have to take risks and endure things you'd rather not face. Without faith in the better things, no matter what these better things are, how could so many wonderful people live such great lives?
Mmmm... anyway, good night. I hope you'll have an amazing week.
Anyway, it's over, and this week is starting well. I had a good day. Work was a little stressful because Melissa wasn't around today, so I was more on my own. I think I did fine though.
Genetics was actually nice today because we talked about classical experiments in molecular genetics, which are my favorite. I love the history of genetics. Also, we got back our exam, and I got about 84%, which I'm completely satisfied with, to be honest. It's above average, and I was dead worried because I didn't really get to study. It was a crazy week.
Lab for Biol 2004 went great today. I'm starting to love Monday lab times, mostly because the TA's are cool to chat with. One of them said I "talk smack" about others so much. It was hilarious. I mean, of course I didn't say anything with harmful intentions. Oh, I love it. I really can use a Monday afternoon worth of laughter to start off the week.
I came home right away, and in the mail was my Wakey!Wakey! CD's!!! I love them so much. I'm also liking Casey Shea (from the same record company--it's small, but they're amazing). Casey Shea has a bunch of free music available on his (their? --I'm too lazy to go check if they're actually a band) website.
So you know how sometimes you discover or rediscover a song that just speaks to you right to your very core? A portion of Wakey!Wakey!'s "Car Crash" is exactly that for me right now. I mean, maybe just a bit, but either way it's so beautiful:
And now you are hurt,
And you are sure I could not be hurt too.
And just because you're bleeding
You think that I'm not bleeding.
And just because you're full of yourself
Doesn't mean I'm not full of you...
To avoid a painful morning, I'm going to watch this week's episode of One Tree Hill and then sleep.
I wish this week would keep being as amazing as how today was. You know, I'm not at all religious, but I think faith is something real. Life has its difficulties no matter who you are, unless you're just THAT lucky. If you're really going to live, you're going to have to take risks and endure things you'd rather not face. Without faith in the better things, no matter what these better things are, how could so many wonderful people live such great lives?
Mmmm... anyway, good night. I hope you'll have an amazing week.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Where Is My Mind?
Busy week. I don't even want to bother saying what happened each day, but it was pretty much me being busy from 8 (or 8:30) to at least 5 or 8 pm every day, except for Wednesday when I start at 11:40.
I'm getting used to the insanity, I think.
Today Philosophy Club met again, and it was really fun. We read Thomas Nagel's "What is it like to be a bat?" It's one of those papers that truly influenced my personal philosophy. It's one of the reasons why I'm so attached to philosophy; why science can't answer all your questions. Nagel is just one fabulous philosopher. I don't think I've ever read anything he wrote that I disagree with.
I'm having some sort of an identity crisis. It's about me being both a biologist and a philosopher. I question whether I'm a biologist because I'm a philosopher or whether I'm a philosopher because I'm a biologist. I question whether it's possible to be both. I mean, I don't think there was ever a time in biology classes when I don't use my philosophical perspective, and vice versa.
But tonight it was difficult. There was philosophy club, and I really have to study for genetics. But I was in one of those state of minds when I feel like just doing nothing else but being a philosopher. Anyway, I looked through my genetics notes and make sure I would have less-enough material that I can cram tomorrow.
Since the semester started, biology has been taking over my life so much. To be honest, I don't love my philosophy classes too much; I've been so much more into biology.
But tonight's philosophy club meeting made me realize, once again, how much philosophy means to me.
On a side note, you know how they say success is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration? I think that's nonsense. I think that inspiration should get a 50%.
I'm getting used to the insanity, I think.
Today Philosophy Club met again, and it was really fun. We read Thomas Nagel's "What is it like to be a bat?" It's one of those papers that truly influenced my personal philosophy. It's one of the reasons why I'm so attached to philosophy; why science can't answer all your questions. Nagel is just one fabulous philosopher. I don't think I've ever read anything he wrote that I disagree with.
I'm having some sort of an identity crisis. It's about me being both a biologist and a philosopher. I question whether I'm a biologist because I'm a philosopher or whether I'm a philosopher because I'm a biologist. I question whether it's possible to be both. I mean, I don't think there was ever a time in biology classes when I don't use my philosophical perspective, and vice versa.
But tonight it was difficult. There was philosophy club, and I really have to study for genetics. But I was in one of those state of minds when I feel like just doing nothing else but being a philosopher. Anyway, I looked through my genetics notes and make sure I would have less-enough material that I can cram tomorrow.
Since the semester started, biology has been taking over my life so much. To be honest, I don't love my philosophy classes too much; I've been so much more into biology.
But tonight's philosophy club meeting made me realize, once again, how much philosophy means to me.
On a side note, you know how they say success is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration? I think that's nonsense. I think that inspiration should get a 50%.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Dancing In Circles
I don't 100% enjoy the fact that country music is playing all the time in the prep room where I work, but sometimes really good music comes up. Because radios overplay songs, I hear it every now and then, and I like it a lot.
And in a way, I can relate to parts of the lyrics to my life right now. It's amazing when that happens--you know, encountering music that encounters you.
...Hmmm. Okay. This past week, school-wise: I started at 8 or 8:30 four days out of five, and I finished before five four days out of five. (I had about one ~1 break in between sometime during those huge blocks of time though.)
This.semester.is.killing.me.
Seriously. *sigh*
I guess this is the part where I question my goals. Do I like biology that much? It doesn't help that Biol 2004 is about yeasts, and NO OFFENSE TO KINGDOM FUNGI but you guys don't interest me at all. There is no fun in fungi. Ugh.
There's just a lot of busy work, and I haven't been able to read much for philosophy. I'm just tired of not being able to sit and relax and study much at Starbucks or something. It's always running around everywhere.
I'm glad it's the weekend. Time to catch up on things. Hopefully that will happen efficiently.
And in a way, I can relate to parts of the lyrics to my life right now. It's amazing when that happens--you know, encountering music that encounters you.
...Hmmm. Okay. This past week, school-wise: I started at 8 or 8:30 four days out of five, and I finished before five four days out of five. (I had about one ~1 break in between sometime during those huge blocks of time though.)
This.semester.is.killing.me.
Seriously. *sigh*
I guess this is the part where I question my goals. Do I like biology that much? It doesn't help that Biol 2004 is about yeasts, and NO OFFENSE TO KINGDOM FUNGI but you guys don't interest me at all. There is no fun in fungi. Ugh.
There's just a lot of busy work, and I haven't been able to read much for philosophy. I'm just tired of not being able to sit and relax and study much at Starbucks or something. It's always running around everywhere.
I'm glad it's the weekend. Time to catch up on things. Hopefully that will happen efficiently.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Everybody Hurts
"Everybody hurts,
Take comfort in your friends"
R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" has to be one of the best songs to listen to when you're down.
Okay.
I swear I felt like I was about to go crazy today after work. Here's the deal: I walked into the prep room at 8 am and from then until 12 when I got off, I had to constantly listen to stuff about the drama going on there (and surrounding the lives of some people). First of all, I get where people are coming from and I'd freak out too if I were them, and I didn't want to pretend I want to be completely oblivious to it all, but okay, I get pretty stressed when I'm there. I'm stressed because Melissa, the person I work with, knows insanely much about everything in that room and I am being trained to do her job next year after she graduates. Second, well, I kinda covered everything in the first point, haha.
I was stressed because I spent the entire day on Sunday figuring stuff out for Biol 2004. I was nervous about going into lab today because I know my group won't know anything. No offense to them, but that's how things have been.
During my little breathing time from 12-1:25, I was going to grab something to eat but the cafeteria is completely packed. How the hell do people have the time and patience to wait for a 30-people Panda Express line anyway? I envy people who actually could do that. Anyway, I wasn't hungry, but at least it could have been a little calmer so I could sit down a bit. But nope, it was lunch time. Of course, Starbucks was also full.
I called Scott and vented for 30 minutes, not only about stuff I mentioned above, but about issues with family--they horribly upset me yesterday. He constantly reminded me that I wasn't being annoying, so that's good. Honestly, I don't know how I would have dealt with everything had I not talked to him. I probably would have kept it all in, but it wouldn't have been so nice. Scott is so great to talk to because for some reason, ever since I talked to him for the first time, I felt like I could be completely honest and say anything. Well, a lot of time we have stupid, silly arguments where I'd be not-so-nice to him, but hey, he does the same and between all of that it's obvious to me that we're great friends. I know I have a lot of wonderful friends, but he's just the one I've been seeing a lot lately because of where we hang out.
Anyway, Biol 2004 lab turned out to be good... OF COURSE, because I did my homework. No one else had anything written in their lab notebooks, and I told them pretty much everything. Whatever. We finished extracting DNA in less than 1.5 hours, and much of that time was just waiting for incubation/centrifugations. I'm allowed to feel like a superstar, okay?
Ok. I always end so abruptly, but I still have readings to do and 8:30 am class tomorrow.
Take comfort in your friends"
R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" has to be one of the best songs to listen to when you're down.
Okay.
I swear I felt like I was about to go crazy today after work. Here's the deal: I walked into the prep room at 8 am and from then until 12 when I got off, I had to constantly listen to stuff about the drama going on there (and surrounding the lives of some people). First of all, I get where people are coming from and I'd freak out too if I were them, and I didn't want to pretend I want to be completely oblivious to it all, but okay, I get pretty stressed when I'm there. I'm stressed because Melissa, the person I work with, knows insanely much about everything in that room and I am being trained to do her job next year after she graduates. Second, well, I kinda covered everything in the first point, haha.
I was stressed because I spent the entire day on Sunday figuring stuff out for Biol 2004. I was nervous about going into lab today because I know my group won't know anything. No offense to them, but that's how things have been.
During my little breathing time from 12-1:25, I was going to grab something to eat but the cafeteria is completely packed. How the hell do people have the time and patience to wait for a 30-people Panda Express line anyway? I envy people who actually could do that. Anyway, I wasn't hungry, but at least it could have been a little calmer so I could sit down a bit. But nope, it was lunch time. Of course, Starbucks was also full.
I called Scott and vented for 30 minutes, not only about stuff I mentioned above, but about issues with family--they horribly upset me yesterday. He constantly reminded me that I wasn't being annoying, so that's good. Honestly, I don't know how I would have dealt with everything had I not talked to him. I probably would have kept it all in, but it wouldn't have been so nice. Scott is so great to talk to because for some reason, ever since I talked to him for the first time, I felt like I could be completely honest and say anything. Well, a lot of time we have stupid, silly arguments where I'd be not-so-nice to him, but hey, he does the same and between all of that it's obvious to me that we're great friends. I know I have a lot of wonderful friends, but he's just the one I've been seeing a lot lately because of where we hang out.
Anyway, Biol 2004 lab turned out to be good... OF COURSE, because I did my homework. No one else had anything written in their lab notebooks, and I told them pretty much everything. Whatever. We finished extracting DNA in less than 1.5 hours, and much of that time was just waiting for incubation/centrifugations. I'm allowed to feel like a superstar, okay?
Ok. I always end so abruptly, but I still have readings to do and 8:30 am class tomorrow.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Do It Again
One of my favorite songs by Nada Surf: "Do It Again"
Well I'd snap to attention
If I thought that you knew the way
I'd open my mouth
If I had something smart to say
I bought a stack of books
I didn't read a thing
It's like I'm sitting here
Waiting for birds to sing
Let's do it again
Come on, let's do it again
Please, let's do it again
The hum of the clock
Is a faraway place
The azalea air holding your face
You're lying down
And the moon is sideways
From the hot to the cold
It never gets old
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
And I like the masking noise quiet
Of your breathing nearby
Let's do it again
Come on, let's do it again
Please, let's do it again
I want you lazy science
I want some peace
Are you the future?
Show me the keys
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
And I like the masking noise quiet
Of your breathing nearby
When I accelerate
I remember why it's good to be alive
Like a twenty-five cent game
Maybe this weight was a gift
Like I had to see what I could lift
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
Maybe this weight was a gift
Like I had to see what I could lift
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
Maybe this weight was a gift
Like I had to see what I could lift
I think their "The Weight Is A Gift" album is simply excellent.
Anyway, I wanted to write this post about something else. It's past midnight and I have to wake up at 6 am tomorrow, so I'll make it quick (then elaborate tomorrow).
...
What I want to say is that I love biology so much. The history of it, the philosophy of it, and of course, the science itself. This past Monday I remember working from 8-12, going to the bookstore to buy a clicker for my genetics class and then have a quick lunch (while helping Dan Perry with some biology stuff), going to genetics, going to BioSci right away to work on Biol 2004 stuff with my group, rushing to the Biol 2004 at the friggin' physics building while being completely exhausted, and thinking how much I love my life because I'm studying biology. I was so overwhelmed by the idea of everything this semester, and I'm still overwhelmed, so I might be a little insane for being so happy about how much of a better biologist I will become after all the experience of this semester, which has just begun. While trying to listen to the lecture (it was mostly intro stuff), I thought about how all I want to do is put all my effort into becoming a better biologist.
It's a pain, obviously. Being stressed out by intense workload is always a pain. But maybe it's worth it. As Nada Surf's song goes, "Maybe this weight was a gift, like I had to see what I could lift."
I'm getting used to the semester. I mean, I'm adapting to making the most of my free time. I'm liking my Biol 2003 group a lot because everyone is dedicated to the group--at least three of the people are doing a great job taking on the leader roles, and everyone else (I guess including me) is doing the work and everything. I really appreciate that. I think all our projects are going to turn out amazing.
But I still can't help being completely nostalgic about last semester's group all over again. I miss that we were almost like a family. I miss learning everything with my group. See, I'm not completely clueless anymore. I was, at the beginning of last semester. As a future biologist, I learned so much about biology last semester, not necessarily the content but the significance, the history, the philosophy, the methodology, everything--everything that makes me love it so much.
I still can't formulate into sentences why I've come to love biology so much, but I will very soon, as I've got a personal statement to write for a scholarship application.
One of the reasons I decided to take Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics is that early in the twentieth century, physics was an inspiration to many people to turn to biology. See, physics has always been such an ideal science. Biology wasn't, not until the discovery of DNA. Haha, my philosophy term paper last year was totally 70% on the history of genetics. I like history partly because it reads like a story, and I have to say the history of biology is quite a beautiful one.
I guess the another reason (that I'm taking Phil. of QM) would be that it gives me insights on how the sciences are different--how I can never love physics like I love biology.
And I do appreciate the philosophical/intellectual value of QM too, of course. Jeez, it's really difficult to understand. I still don't really know what the heck quantum mechanics is, even though I've read and heard about the same things so many times in my life.
Anyway, I'll write more on this when I have the time. Right now it's sleep time. Good night.
Well I'd snap to attention
If I thought that you knew the way
I'd open my mouth
If I had something smart to say
I bought a stack of books
I didn't read a thing
It's like I'm sitting here
Waiting for birds to sing
Let's do it again
Come on, let's do it again
Please, let's do it again
The hum of the clock
Is a faraway place
The azalea air holding your face
You're lying down
And the moon is sideways
From the hot to the cold
It never gets old
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
And I like the masking noise quiet
Of your breathing nearby
Let's do it again
Come on, let's do it again
Please, let's do it again
I want you lazy science
I want some peace
Are you the future?
Show me the keys
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
And I like the masking noise quiet
Of your breathing nearby
When I accelerate
I remember why it's good to be alive
Like a twenty-five cent game
Maybe this weight was a gift
Like I had to see what I could lift
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
Maybe this weight was a gift
Like I had to see what I could lift
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
Maybe this weight was a gift
Like I had to see what I could lift
I think their "The Weight Is A Gift" album is simply excellent.
Anyway, I wanted to write this post about something else. It's past midnight and I have to wake up at 6 am tomorrow, so I'll make it quick (then elaborate tomorrow).
...
What I want to say is that I love biology so much. The history of it, the philosophy of it, and of course, the science itself. This past Monday I remember working from 8-12, going to the bookstore to buy a clicker for my genetics class and then have a quick lunch (while helping Dan Perry with some biology stuff), going to genetics, going to BioSci right away to work on Biol 2004 stuff with my group, rushing to the Biol 2004 at the friggin' physics building while being completely exhausted, and thinking how much I love my life because I'm studying biology. I was so overwhelmed by the idea of everything this semester, and I'm still overwhelmed, so I might be a little insane for being so happy about how much of a better biologist I will become after all the experience of this semester, which has just begun. While trying to listen to the lecture (it was mostly intro stuff), I thought about how all I want to do is put all my effort into becoming a better biologist.
It's a pain, obviously. Being stressed out by intense workload is always a pain. But maybe it's worth it. As Nada Surf's song goes, "Maybe this weight was a gift, like I had to see what I could lift."
I'm getting used to the semester. I mean, I'm adapting to making the most of my free time. I'm liking my Biol 2003 group a lot because everyone is dedicated to the group--at least three of the people are doing a great job taking on the leader roles, and everyone else (I guess including me) is doing the work and everything. I really appreciate that. I think all our projects are going to turn out amazing.
But I still can't help being completely nostalgic about last semester's group all over again. I miss that we were almost like a family. I miss learning everything with my group. See, I'm not completely clueless anymore. I was, at the beginning of last semester. As a future biologist, I learned so much about biology last semester, not necessarily the content but the significance, the history, the philosophy, the methodology, everything--everything that makes me love it so much.
I still can't formulate into sentences why I've come to love biology so much, but I will very soon, as I've got a personal statement to write for a scholarship application.
One of the reasons I decided to take Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics is that early in the twentieth century, physics was an inspiration to many people to turn to biology. See, physics has always been such an ideal science. Biology wasn't, not until the discovery of DNA. Haha, my philosophy term paper last year was totally 70% on the history of genetics. I like history partly because it reads like a story, and I have to say the history of biology is quite a beautiful one.
I guess the another reason (that I'm taking Phil. of QM) would be that it gives me insights on how the sciences are different--how I can never love physics like I love biology.
And I do appreciate the philosophical/intellectual value of QM too, of course. Jeez, it's really difficult to understand. I still don't really know what the heck quantum mechanics is, even though I've read and heard about the same things so many times in my life.
Anyway, I'll write more on this when I have the time. Right now it's sleep time. Good night.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Truth Begins
Today turned out to be good. I worked in the prep room from 8-11:15, and apart from being harmlessly stupid from time to time, it went well. Melissa is so nice and doesn't make me feel stupid at all.
Because I had to skip genetics, I had a little more free time. During that time, I did some research for my group's Biol 2003 project. I'm glad it's actually (possibly) neuroscience-related this time. Biol 2004, on the other hand, seem like it would be annoying, but I handled pretty much everything I could do for now--quiz and homework.
Note: Being obsessed with yeasts doesn't make you cute, FYI. Ugh. And we haven't even started.
Anyway, I had a good time researching. I love biology. To be completely honest, my last semester might have spoiled me too much because pretty much all of the classes revolve around biology, and not the memorizing a bunch of facts aspect of biology; it was more about the philosophy of biology, what makes it so fascinating as a science, how to think like a biologist, and the world of research.
This semester, I have to deal with the philosophy of quantum mechanics, and really, I am not a big fan of physics. It's cool and all. It's the "ideal science" according to the common view in the philosophy of science. But after learning about how amazing biology is and after having gone through evil physics classes, not to mention tutoring people and watching them deal with the evil of physics, I feel like appreciating physics will be a challenge. But if I can come to do that, it would be a true accomplishment.
It's just so intimidating to be sitting in a 5xxx level philosophy class when different groups of intimidating people are in the class. These groups are as follows (some overlap): physics majors, graduate students, definitely-older people, and people that like to use big words.
Biology feels so homely and lovable, whereas physics come off as cold and intimidating... like it can kill you with a smug look on its face. Or something.
So anyway, at 2 I was at the MAC for the tutor training session. I was honestly so happy to be there because I was reminded about how much tutoring meant to me. First, working in the prep room was basically me being completely confused and needing to be guided by Melissa. As a tutor, I was a leader, not a follower. Same goes for Y-Scholars. Even when I worked at the bookstore, I was the one that knew how to do things and report problems properly to manager (without panicking).
Last semester was so much discovering how amazing biology is and how much of a leader I can be.
This semester involves utter confusion and trying to appreciate physics.
Philosophy of science is so difficult when you don't know the science that well. However, I've been thinking about how studying this history and philosophy of science is something that interests me a lot. It's hard to explain what I really love about science, but I know that it's not really the actual doing of science itself. I feel like my life wouldn't feel complete if all I end up being is a scientist (though I don't doubt that many professional scientists out there do appreciate science at a deeper level than we may think). I love science in the humanistic sense. I think it's a great project that humanity has worked on from the beginning of the history of our species. And we've accomplished so much intellectually. I like looking at the evolution of the conception of scientific thought itself. I mean, it affects a person's view on the world so much. It makes a difference to think that Earth is just a tiny speckle in the vast universe rather than literally being in the middle of the universe. It affects people so deeply in how they view what life is about.
Rather than just reading textbooks and research papers, try reading something more personal from a scientist. The story of the discovery of DNA was one about biologists inspired by the hope that principles of physics would be able to explain the essence of life.
Arkldja;fkjhdaskfhdaslf. I'm sleepy and is so inclined toward just ending this post right here.
I guess I'll continue with this topic some other time (in a new post).
For all the friends you've ever met
Some you'll love and some forget
Just hold on for tomorrow
- from "Truth Begins" by Dirty Pretty Things (awesome song, btw)
Because I had to skip genetics, I had a little more free time. During that time, I did some research for my group's Biol 2003 project. I'm glad it's actually (possibly) neuroscience-related this time. Biol 2004, on the other hand, seem like it would be annoying, but I handled pretty much everything I could do for now--quiz and homework.
Note: Being obsessed with yeasts doesn't make you cute, FYI. Ugh. And we haven't even started.
Anyway, I had a good time researching. I love biology. To be completely honest, my last semester might have spoiled me too much because pretty much all of the classes revolve around biology, and not the memorizing a bunch of facts aspect of biology; it was more about the philosophy of biology, what makes it so fascinating as a science, how to think like a biologist, and the world of research.
This semester, I have to deal with the philosophy of quantum mechanics, and really, I am not a big fan of physics. It's cool and all. It's the "ideal science" according to the common view in the philosophy of science. But after learning about how amazing biology is and after having gone through evil physics classes, not to mention tutoring people and watching them deal with the evil of physics, I feel like appreciating physics will be a challenge. But if I can come to do that, it would be a true accomplishment.
It's just so intimidating to be sitting in a 5xxx level philosophy class when different groups of intimidating people are in the class. These groups are as follows (some overlap): physics majors, graduate students, definitely-older people, and people that like to use big words.
Biology feels so homely and lovable, whereas physics come off as cold and intimidating... like it can kill you with a smug look on its face. Or something.
So anyway, at 2 I was at the MAC for the tutor training session. I was honestly so happy to be there because I was reminded about how much tutoring meant to me. First, working in the prep room was basically me being completely confused and needing to be guided by Melissa. As a tutor, I was a leader, not a follower. Same goes for Y-Scholars. Even when I worked at the bookstore, I was the one that knew how to do things and report problems properly to manager (without panicking).
Last semester was so much discovering how amazing biology is and how much of a leader I can be.
This semester involves utter confusion and trying to appreciate physics.
Philosophy of science is so difficult when you don't know the science that well. However, I've been thinking about how studying this history and philosophy of science is something that interests me a lot. It's hard to explain what I really love about science, but I know that it's not really the actual doing of science itself. I feel like my life wouldn't feel complete if all I end up being is a scientist (though I don't doubt that many professional scientists out there do appreciate science at a deeper level than we may think). I love science in the humanistic sense. I think it's a great project that humanity has worked on from the beginning of the history of our species. And we've accomplished so much intellectually. I like looking at the evolution of the conception of scientific thought itself. I mean, it affects a person's view on the world so much. It makes a difference to think that Earth is just a tiny speckle in the vast universe rather than literally being in the middle of the universe. It affects people so deeply in how they view what life is about.
Rather than just reading textbooks and research papers, try reading something more personal from a scientist. The story of the discovery of DNA was one about biologists inspired by the hope that principles of physics would be able to explain the essence of life.
Arkldja;fkjhdaskfhdaslf. I'm sleepy and is so inclined toward just ending this post right here.
I guess I'll continue with this topic some other time (in a new post).
For all the friends you've ever met
Some you'll love and some forget
Just hold on for tomorrow
- from "Truth Begins" by Dirty Pretty Things (awesome song, btw)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I cannot say I'm loving this semester so far
Seriously.
Having to be at school at 8 almost every day just sucks. It sucks more when you barely have any empty-ish day. Actually, I don't have a single one of those. Too much class time + work time + lab time + volunteering time = fkhsda;fkjdsa;fkjdsa;fkjdsklafdsakjhfld.
I HATE IT.
Today I was going to print out some stuff before heading over to the tutor training session at the MAC, but the computer was being stupid so I only got to print out my stuff way later. Then I went to wait for the bus, and so many people walked out of nowhere and by the time the bus I needed came by, it was crowded and too many people got on it, and I was like, screw this, I'll walk even though I'm risking slipping and falling down with every step. I walked all the way across the mall area and then I realize the session would already start and I was so freaking tired and was not in the mood to be late to the training and sit through it for 1.5 hours. I was like, screw it, I'm going to grab food and go to tomorrow's training session instead. And miss part of my genetics class.
Oh, there was the biology textbook in my backpack. It was heavy. I was tired.
Every day has been tiring, and I barely had any time to do anything. All my reading-intensive classes are right after one another, and my biology TA is awful and my lab group seems awful and I'm just SO SO SO frustrated with life.
flkjd;afhjdsafhlsahfksadhf;skadhf;sadhfsdkajfsdlafj;sdakfasfdsaf;saklfjkk gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Okay, class and work taking up my time = acceptable. Stupid little things like crowded buses and dumb people = not acceptable.
I don't know how I'll deal with my tutoring job this semester because some of the students like to mess with my time so much, and I do NOT have the time to let them waste.
And to be honest, I'm not especially impressed with any of my classes.
Having to be at school at 8 almost every day just sucks. It sucks more when you barely have any empty-ish day. Actually, I don't have a single one of those. Too much class time + work time + lab time + volunteering time = fkhsda;fkjdsa;fkjdsa;fkjdsklafdsakjhfld.
I HATE IT.
Today I was going to print out some stuff before heading over to the tutor training session at the MAC, but the computer was being stupid so I only got to print out my stuff way later. Then I went to wait for the bus, and so many people walked out of nowhere and by the time the bus I needed came by, it was crowded and too many people got on it, and I was like, screw this, I'll walk even though I'm risking slipping and falling down with every step. I walked all the way across the mall area and then I realize the session would already start and I was so freaking tired and was not in the mood to be late to the training and sit through it for 1.5 hours. I was like, screw it, I'm going to grab food and go to tomorrow's training session instead. And miss part of my genetics class.
Oh, there was the biology textbook in my backpack. It was heavy. I was tired.
Every day has been tiring, and I barely had any time to do anything. All my reading-intensive classes are right after one another, and my biology TA is awful and my lab group seems awful and I'm just SO SO SO frustrated with life.
flkjd;afhjdsafhlsahfksadhf;skadhf;sadhfsdkajfsdlafj;sdakfasfdsaf;saklfjkk gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Okay, class and work taking up my time = acceptable. Stupid little things like crowded buses and dumb people = not acceptable.
I don't know how I'll deal with my tutoring job this semester because some of the students like to mess with my time so much, and I do NOT have the time to let them waste.
And to be honest, I'm not especially impressed with any of my classes.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Last day of winter break
First day of class. My schedule looks as follows:
8:30-10:25 - Biol 2003
11:15-12:30 - Philosophy of Psychology
12:45-2:00 - Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics
3:00-6:00 - work at the bookstore
6:30-8:00 - Y-Scholars seminar
I'm excited. I mean, double philosophy, hell yeah!
Okay, so I made the wrong decision of taking a nap in the afternoon, so now I'm both too excited to sleep and not sleepy anyway. Good luck waking up early for class tomorrow, me!
Watching the week's episode of One Tree Hill, maybe some more episodes of True Blood or The Matrix Revolutions. HOPING to get some sleep.
Happy first day of class!
8:30-10:25 - Biol 2003
11:15-12:30 - Philosophy of Psychology
12:45-2:00 - Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics
3:00-6:00 - work at the bookstore
6:30-8:00 - Y-Scholars seminar
I'm excited. I mean, double philosophy, hell yeah!
Okay, so I made the wrong decision of taking a nap in the afternoon, so now I'm both too excited to sleep and not sleepy anyway. Good luck waking up early for class tomorrow, me!
Watching the week's episode of One Tree Hill, maybe some more episodes of True Blood or The Matrix Revolutions. HOPING to get some sleep.
Happy first day of class!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The making of a new playlist
I used to base my post titles on song names for the most part, but now I guess I'm breaking away from that a little bit...
Anyway, I still can't get away from being nostalgic while listening to my Fall '09 playlist. I mean, playlists from previous semesters do the same as well, but not really, because there were times that contained feelings that were hurtful (as I've come to realize), but last fall was simply wonderful. I probably said this a million times already.
*sigh* The nostalgia has come to hurt a little.
I'll allow myself for this, but I will start listening to more new music (new meaning new to me) to encode the new semester. A Spring '10 playlist is in the making. I already know what is going on it (for now) -- Miike Snow's "Miike Snow" album, Mika's "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" album, Dirty Pretty Thing's "Romance At Short Notice" album...
It's a matter of listening to these music every day while riding the bus or studying.
Back to my Fall '09 list, I'll share what some of these songs has personally come to mean for me:
Rubik's "Richard Branson's Crash Landing" - This reminds me of the BIOL 2002 group, especially the day before Thanksgiving when we just finished our proposal--the song was stuck in my head while walking out of class, happy because it's finally Thanksgiving break and because we worked really hard and was really proud of our project.
Pretty much the rest of Rubik's "Dada Bandits" album reminds me of something in the semester as well.
Wakey!Wakey!'s "Brooklyn" - This reminds me of the week before the last week of school. I stayed up all night to finish my philosophy term paper and then watched One Tree Hill because SOMEHOW I decided I don't need to sleep. That was 5 am. By 8 am, I was about to crash so I decided to sleep for 3 hours before going to class. This song was featured in that week's episode of One Tree Hill. I listened to it a lot, especially on my bus ride home. My parents were gone that week so I tried a safer route home. It involved going downtown. Riding the bus from downtown is really fun because the city is so beautiful. This song reminds me of that. It also reminds me of how lonely it did feel when I was home alone.
U2's "Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of" - Wow, this was probably the song I turned to every time I didn't feel well emotionally. See, I was convinced that my life was happy, but there were those -moments- that I got stuck in, where I wasn't happy. I listened to the song on repeat, hoping it'd wash away those moments. Sometimes it worked.
Passion Pit's "Manners" album. One of the most amazing albums EVER. "Little Secrets" reminds me of Y-Scholars. "Make Light" reminds me of this one really special day. "To Kingdom Come" is just a really happy song that reflects my overall happiness.
Regina Spektor's "Far" album reminds me of the time when the weather was still nice and I'd walk into the St. Paul campus from Larpenteur Ave. to get to biology class.
Noisettes' "Wild Young Hearts" album reminds me of intense cramming for biochemistry. I think I had the album on repeat while studying in Wilson Library.
MGMT's "Time To Pretend" reminds me of the fall clean-up with Y-Scholars. The song was on in Megan's car just before we arrived at the very beautiful house where we had to rake leaves. The owners of the house were so sweet to us--they ordered pizza for us and talked to us. I still remember that one of them told us, "Thank you so much for what you do, not just for the clean-up work today but for your service to the community." It was a great day, and I really needed that. I was so stressed about being busy, but that day convinced me that Y-Scholars was worth it.
Dirty Pretty Thing's "Waterloo To Anywhere" album and Babyshambles' "Down In Albion" album remind me of philosophy. God I love philosophy. So much.
...well, there are more music, but I'm sleepy, haha.
Plus, the nostalgia is killing me.
Anyway, I still can't get away from being nostalgic while listening to my Fall '09 playlist. I mean, playlists from previous semesters do the same as well, but not really, because there were times that contained feelings that were hurtful (as I've come to realize), but last fall was simply wonderful. I probably said this a million times already.
*sigh* The nostalgia has come to hurt a little.
I'll allow myself for this, but I will start listening to more new music (new meaning new to me) to encode the new semester. A Spring '10 playlist is in the making. I already know what is going on it (for now) -- Miike Snow's "Miike Snow" album, Mika's "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" album, Dirty Pretty Thing's "Romance At Short Notice" album...
It's a matter of listening to these music every day while riding the bus or studying.
Back to my Fall '09 list, I'll share what some of these songs has personally come to mean for me:
Rubik's "Richard Branson's Crash Landing" - This reminds me of the BIOL 2002 group, especially the day before Thanksgiving when we just finished our proposal--the song was stuck in my head while walking out of class, happy because it's finally Thanksgiving break and because we worked really hard and was really proud of our project.
Pretty much the rest of Rubik's "Dada Bandits" album reminds me of something in the semester as well.
Wakey!Wakey!'s "Brooklyn" - This reminds me of the week before the last week of school. I stayed up all night to finish my philosophy term paper and then watched One Tree Hill because SOMEHOW I decided I don't need to sleep. That was 5 am. By 8 am, I was about to crash so I decided to sleep for 3 hours before going to class. This song was featured in that week's episode of One Tree Hill. I listened to it a lot, especially on my bus ride home. My parents were gone that week so I tried a safer route home. It involved going downtown. Riding the bus from downtown is really fun because the city is so beautiful. This song reminds me of that. It also reminds me of how lonely it did feel when I was home alone.
U2's "Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of" - Wow, this was probably the song I turned to every time I didn't feel well emotionally. See, I was convinced that my life was happy, but there were those -moments- that I got stuck in, where I wasn't happy. I listened to the song on repeat, hoping it'd wash away those moments. Sometimes it worked.
Passion Pit's "Manners" album. One of the most amazing albums EVER. "Little Secrets" reminds me of Y-Scholars. "Make Light" reminds me of this one really special day. "To Kingdom Come" is just a really happy song that reflects my overall happiness.
Regina Spektor's "Far" album reminds me of the time when the weather was still nice and I'd walk into the St. Paul campus from Larpenteur Ave. to get to biology class.
Noisettes' "Wild Young Hearts" album reminds me of intense cramming for biochemistry. I think I had the album on repeat while studying in Wilson Library.
MGMT's "Time To Pretend" reminds me of the fall clean-up with Y-Scholars. The song was on in Megan's car just before we arrived at the very beautiful house where we had to rake leaves. The owners of the house were so sweet to us--they ordered pizza for us and talked to us. I still remember that one of them told us, "Thank you so much for what you do, not just for the clean-up work today but for your service to the community." It was a great day, and I really needed that. I was so stressed about being busy, but that day convinced me that Y-Scholars was worth it.
Dirty Pretty Thing's "Waterloo To Anywhere" album and Babyshambles' "Down In Albion" album remind me of philosophy. God I love philosophy. So much.
...well, there are more music, but I'm sleepy, haha.
Plus, the nostalgia is killing me.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I miss the fall
Last fall semester, that is. :(
I have a playlist of songs that remind me of all those times, and listening to some of the songs take me back then emotionally.
This new semester will be something great. I just know it. I'm already liking my new job a lot. I know I have a great group of people that I work with. As Barb said, we're more like a group of friends working together, and I see that to be the case just from my second day there. I'm even getting more confident with simple things like pouring and pipetting.
But there was something beautiful about the fall that I miss so dearly. Symbolically, it was a great new beginning for me. I was just beginning to really discover how wonderful biology and philosophy are (well, I knew philosophy was really special since my intro class... but as I mentioned in an earlier post, right from the first day of Philosophy of the Biological Sciences, I remembered how much philosophy means to me and decided to do a double major). There's something amazing about that innocent time of discovery.
Now I feel like it's going to be mostly hard work.
But damn. Nothing takes me back so (almost) completely like those songs...
I have a playlist of songs that remind me of all those times, and listening to some of the songs take me back then emotionally.
This new semester will be something great. I just know it. I'm already liking my new job a lot. I know I have a great group of people that I work with. As Barb said, we're more like a group of friends working together, and I see that to be the case just from my second day there. I'm even getting more confident with simple things like pouring and pipetting.
But there was something beautiful about the fall that I miss so dearly. Symbolically, it was a great new beginning for me. I was just beginning to really discover how wonderful biology and philosophy are (well, I knew philosophy was really special since my intro class... but as I mentioned in an earlier post, right from the first day of Philosophy of the Biological Sciences, I remembered how much philosophy means to me and decided to do a double major). There's something amazing about that innocent time of discovery.
Now I feel like it's going to be mostly hard work.
But damn. Nothing takes me back so (almost) completely like those songs...
You
Ever get scared or worried about something silly? I've been able to relate to so many of Kate Voegele's songs that right now her new song "I Couldn't Save You" scares me... because I can imagine who "you" might be.
I don't ever want to give up on people, at least not anyone that is considered to be important to me right now (and probably for a while). It's the time in our lives when you really don't know how long you're going to be friends with someone. It's so easy for friendships to melt away. I mean, I understand, we're all busy with our own lives; I'm guilty of that, as everyone is. It seems like it'd be easy to believe that friends just come and go.
But I think that standing by someone and not giving up on them is one of the greatest thing you could do for someone. It's hard, because you don't want to cross the line and appear creepy or anything. And saying that you'll "always" be there for someone would even be a lie, because like I said, we all have our own lives to worry about and sometimes, you can't "always" be "there." There are things I wish I could do for certain people, but it's just not realistic. People don't always want to be saved by others. People just want to realize they can save themselves. I mean, I agree totally. I'm grateful when others help me, but it's something really meaningful when I'm able to fight away my own difficulties. Well, this gets complicated.
Ummmmmm... okay, so I stopped writing for a while and came back, and forgot what I was going to write. I'm sleepy. I woke up at 6 am today for work and now I'm super tired/sleepy.
I don't ever want to give up on people, at least not anyone that is considered to be important to me right now (and probably for a while). It's the time in our lives when you really don't know how long you're going to be friends with someone. It's so easy for friendships to melt away. I mean, I understand, we're all busy with our own lives; I'm guilty of that, as everyone is. It seems like it'd be easy to believe that friends just come and go.
But I think that standing by someone and not giving up on them is one of the greatest thing you could do for someone. It's hard, because you don't want to cross the line and appear creepy or anything. And saying that you'll "always" be there for someone would even be a lie, because like I said, we all have our own lives to worry about and sometimes, you can't "always" be "there." There are things I wish I could do for certain people, but it's just not realistic. People don't always want to be saved by others. People just want to realize they can save themselves. I mean, I agree totally. I'm grateful when others help me, but it's something really meaningful when I'm able to fight away my own difficulties. Well, this gets complicated.
Ummmmmm... okay, so I stopped writing for a while and came back, and forgot what I was going to write. I'm sleepy. I woke up at 6 am today for work and now I'm super tired/sleepy.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Ok
Umm... I am getting lazy with blogging, I realize that. Right now I'm so sleepy, but because my soon-to-be boss (I think that's what she is) said she's going to call around 8-10 am, I have to be awake.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Day (New Year)
New Day by Tamar Kaprelian
click
Before the light I found the dark
Before tonight I feel apart
Frozen up I’ve realized that something’s gotta change
It took a crash to understand
Time kept slipping through my hands
I never used to know
The sun will shine after the rain
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way
I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what
I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
A new day
I was sleeping in a twisted dream
Dying just to make believe
A pretty situation was far from where I was
But I’m not up for giving up
Lying down and out of luck
My mistakes are in the open and know I’m finally coming clean
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way
I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what
I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
A new day
'Cause everything, everything
ends at the start
I’m healing and feeling all of my scars
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way
I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what
I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
A new day
click
Before the light I found the dark
Before tonight I feel apart
Frozen up I’ve realized that something’s gotta change
It took a crash to understand
Time kept slipping through my hands
I never used to know
The sun will shine after the rain
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way
I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what
I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
A new day
I was sleeping in a twisted dream
Dying just to make believe
A pretty situation was far from where I was
But I’m not up for giving up
Lying down and out of luck
My mistakes are in the open and know I’m finally coming clean
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way
I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what
I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
A new day
'Cause everything, everything
ends at the start
I’m healing and feeling all of my scars
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way
I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what
I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
A new day
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