World Spins Madly On

Change of plan because CBS Student Services (ugh) won't let me sign up for Cell Biology. I happily decided I'll take Linear Algebra (aka Calc IV) instead. I'm excited because I LOVE math, and this is the math they used in quantum mechanics, at least in my philosophy of quantum mechanics class.

Last night I tried looking at grad schools and as usual, things don't turn out well. I feel like it's all so beyond my abilities. Not only that, I also question whether I really want to study certain things. I'm definitely looking at something neuroscience-related, but I don't know what branch of neuroscience I want to focus on. Do I want to focus on molecular/cellular neuroscience or the more computer-related stuff, or cognitive neuroscience? Jeez, is it naive to say I just want to know everything about the mind and the brain? See, it's not even just limited to neuroscience; I want to learn about it from the most abstract perspective (philosophy) to the most scientific (neuroscience).

Looking at grad school programs just made me confused all over again. Where's the clarity I thought I had?

Oh, and last week I definitely had one of those CBS-hating moments. Thank goodness for philosophy, and mostly, for philosophy club. Sometimes it frustrates me how intelligent yet mindless CBS students are--none of my friends, of course, but many of the others. Philosophy keeps my mind from rotting away, seriously. There's so much more passion in wanting to learn and everything. There are times when I'm sick of analyzing every darn thing to the point I'd almost tell someone if something they say isn't logically coherent (and risk getting weird looks), but overall, I don't know what I'd do without philosophy. I'd go crazy, that's what.

So now I'm studying for genetics even though the next midterm is two weeks away. Bad grades hurt. I didn't exactly put in much effort into the last midterm, and that's why it hurts so much--I could have done better. So this time I'll do better.

Last night I watched the latest episode of Life UneXpected. It's such a sweet episode. I'm disappointed they play songs that are way too new for me to be able to get on iTunes though. I wanted The Weepies' "Add My Effort" so badly, but from their twitter, it seems that the song is pretty much brand new.

Anyway, the title of the post is another of The Weepies' song.

Listen to it

I love it so much. It just gives you the sense how as quickly life goes on no matter how stuck you are, and how you're bound to miss out on other things, yet you can't move on anyway. I can't relate to this at the moment, but in relations to how fast time keeps moving, maybe...? Sometimes I wish I could just stop time for myself. I wish I could sit and think, or even sleep and let my mind wander away from school and all that for a bit.