I might have used this post title before, but it's Mew's "New Terrain," one of my favorite Mew songs ever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GdxNxGOGx4
Okay, I should be working on my yeast paper, but that sucks the joy out of my day so I'll take a little break. Today's lab was actually fun. Is it crazy to say I love my group (to a certain extent) even though I obviously do more work than everyone else combined? I mean, we do have fun in lab, and I don't mind doing the work, so it's all good. So maybe I'm just crazy for enjoying the work.
I also love being a leader, not really the part where I boss people around (I actually hate that), but the part where I take responsibility and have that good influence on others.
So spring is here. It's wonderful. I can't help being nostalgic and reflective when a new season starts. I listen to playlists from the past and memories rush back to me all over again. No, not just memories, but all that I can't describe in words. College is almost HALF over, how weird is that? Most of what's been on my mind lately is just the whole "what's next?"
But that's been frustrating, so how about talking about the nearer future instead? Here are more plans:
Summer 2010:
1) Volunteer in a lab. I'm going to devote as many hours as I need to, to learn all I can about being part of a lab, whichever specific lab I end up in.
2) Stop being so lazy about tutoring. Mike said there are student-athletes taking summer classes, so I'll get back to tutoring if I can. Since I now have a better idea of what subjects I tutor (chemistry and physics, mostly), I'm going to make little guides on important skills, like unit conversions.
3) Work on Linear Algebra.
4) Learn everything I can about working in the prep room... because next year I'll have to know it all.
5) Read more philosophy. Read Darwin's Origin of Species
Summer 2011:
Hopefully get into a research program. Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory is one of my top choices because it seems like an amazing place, plus James D. Watson is there. Having written my term paper for philosophy of biological sciences on how the discovery of the double-helix transformed biology, I would be so honored if I get the opportunity to meet the co-discoverer of DNA. I think I would die.
If I can do all this, I'd be proud of myself. I'm afraid of underachieving, but it happens from time to time. I just want things to be right, according to my plans.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
World Spins Madly On
Change of plan because CBS Student Services (ugh) won't let me sign up for Cell Biology. I happily decided I'll take Linear Algebra (aka Calc IV) instead. I'm excited because I LOVE math, and this is the math they used in quantum mechanics, at least in my philosophy of quantum mechanics class.
Last night I tried looking at grad schools and as usual, things don't turn out well. I feel like it's all so beyond my abilities. Not only that, I also question whether I really want to study certain things. I'm definitely looking at something neuroscience-related, but I don't know what branch of neuroscience I want to focus on. Do I want to focus on molecular/cellular neuroscience or the more computer-related stuff, or cognitive neuroscience? Jeez, is it naive to say I just want to know everything about the mind and the brain? See, it's not even just limited to neuroscience; I want to learn about it from the most abstract perspective (philosophy) to the most scientific (neuroscience).
Looking at grad school programs just made me confused all over again. Where's the clarity I thought I had?
Oh, and last week I definitely had one of those CBS-hating moments. Thank goodness for philosophy, and mostly, for philosophy club. Sometimes it frustrates me how intelligent yet mindless CBS students are--none of my friends, of course, but many of the others. Philosophy keeps my mind from rotting away, seriously. There's so much more passion in wanting to learn and everything. There are times when I'm sick of analyzing every darn thing to the point I'd almost tell someone if something they say isn't logically coherent (and risk getting weird looks), but overall, I don't know what I'd do without philosophy. I'd go crazy, that's what.
So now I'm studying for genetics even though the next midterm is two weeks away. Bad grades hurt. I didn't exactly put in much effort into the last midterm, and that's why it hurts so much--I could have done better. So this time I'll do better.
Last night I watched the latest episode of Life UneXpected. It's such a sweet episode. I'm disappointed they play songs that are way too new for me to be able to get on iTunes though. I wanted The Weepies' "Add My Effort" so badly, but from their twitter, it seems that the song is pretty much brand new.
Anyway, the title of the post is another of The Weepies' song.
Listen to it
I love it so much. It just gives you the sense how as quickly life goes on no matter how stuck you are, and how you're bound to miss out on other things, yet you can't move on anyway. I can't relate to this at the moment, but in relations to how fast time keeps moving, maybe...? Sometimes I wish I could just stop time for myself. I wish I could sit and think, or even sleep and let my mind wander away from school and all that for a bit.
Last night I tried looking at grad schools and as usual, things don't turn out well. I feel like it's all so beyond my abilities. Not only that, I also question whether I really want to study certain things. I'm definitely looking at something neuroscience-related, but I don't know what branch of neuroscience I want to focus on. Do I want to focus on molecular/cellular neuroscience or the more computer-related stuff, or cognitive neuroscience? Jeez, is it naive to say I just want to know everything about the mind and the brain? See, it's not even just limited to neuroscience; I want to learn about it from the most abstract perspective (philosophy) to the most scientific (neuroscience).
Looking at grad school programs just made me confused all over again. Where's the clarity I thought I had?
Oh, and last week I definitely had one of those CBS-hating moments. Thank goodness for philosophy, and mostly, for philosophy club. Sometimes it frustrates me how intelligent yet mindless CBS students are--none of my friends, of course, but many of the others. Philosophy keeps my mind from rotting away, seriously. There's so much more passion in wanting to learn and everything. There are times when I'm sick of analyzing every darn thing to the point I'd almost tell someone if something they say isn't logically coherent (and risk getting weird looks), but overall, I don't know what I'd do without philosophy. I'd go crazy, that's what.
So now I'm studying for genetics even though the next midterm is two weeks away. Bad grades hurt. I didn't exactly put in much effort into the last midterm, and that's why it hurts so much--I could have done better. So this time I'll do better.
Last night I watched the latest episode of Life UneXpected. It's such a sweet episode. I'm disappointed they play songs that are way too new for me to be able to get on iTunes though. I wanted The Weepies' "Add My Effort" so badly, but from their twitter, it seems that the song is pretty much brand new.
Anyway, the title of the post is another of The Weepies' song.
Listen to it
I love it so much. It just gives you the sense how as quickly life goes on no matter how stuck you are, and how you're bound to miss out on other things, yet you can't move on anyway. I can't relate to this at the moment, but in relations to how fast time keeps moving, maybe...? Sometimes I wish I could just stop time for myself. I wish I could sit and think, or even sleep and let my mind wander away from school and all that for a bit.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Doing the Unstuck
The Cure's "Doing the Unstuck" is awesome. I've never listened to it but I accidentally clicked on it in my iTunes library last night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9zvk15rlcE (I don't know what's with the title in the video, but it's the same song)
Last night I attended CBS' GRE to PhD event, which was pretty informative but also made me so nervous about grad school application. Luckily it's not like I'm pressed for time since I'm only a sophomore, but now I feel like I want to start studying for the GRE this summer because I really want to do well.
I don't even know what I want to study yet, but right now it's either neuroscience, molecular biology, or cognitive science. I'm more aiming towards the last one right now because 1) it's a combination of so much that I'm interested in (neuroscience, philosophy, psychology, linguistics, etc)--it's like a dream come true for me, and 2) as much as I love biology, some people that can't think beyond medicine and health sciences frustrate the hell out of me sometimes. But I don't know if I want to study more neuroscience before I move on to cognitive science. I might just aim to try to take a lot of upper-division neuroscience courses here before I graduate.
Registration is coming up soon (3 weeks--way too far away actually), and GradPlanner current looks like this:
Fall 2010: Intro to Neuro. I, OChem Lab, Scientific Thought, Intro to Ethical Theory, and a history of science class because I love science and I still need to fulfill lib.ed. requirements
I'm personally scared about having TWO writing-intensive philosophy classes at the same time, especially because ethics is one of those branches in philosophy that I haven't read much on. I'm so so so excited for Scientific Thought though. Oh, and I'm super pumped for neuro I!
Spring 2011: Intro to Neuro. II, Zoology/Animal Phys.+Animal Diversity Lab OR Animal Behavior (I need both, but I'm pretty sure the won't work at the same time because those St. Paul classes conflict so much), ideally some literature class (lib.ed.), a philosophy class, and I really really really want to take Calc III because I need a "strong math record" for cognitive science
Fall 2011: Neuro Lab, an upper-division neuroscience class, Calc IV, and I think I want to write my senior paper for philosophy then too, and some other stuff (maybe take care of my last lib.ed.)
Spring 2012: An upper-division neuroscience class, Zoology/etc. or Animal Behavior (depending on which I take in 2011), and the rest is up to me, really...
Of course I have to insert directed research in somewhere, and I might want to take stats, some linguistics class, some upper-division cognitive psych class, some computer science class or ANYTHING cognitive science related.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9zvk15rlcE (I don't know what's with the title in the video, but it's the same song)
Last night I attended CBS' GRE to PhD event, which was pretty informative but also made me so nervous about grad school application. Luckily it's not like I'm pressed for time since I'm only a sophomore, but now I feel like I want to start studying for the GRE this summer because I really want to do well.
I don't even know what I want to study yet, but right now it's either neuroscience, molecular biology, or cognitive science. I'm more aiming towards the last one right now because 1) it's a combination of so much that I'm interested in (neuroscience, philosophy, psychology, linguistics, etc)--it's like a dream come true for me, and 2) as much as I love biology, some people that can't think beyond medicine and health sciences frustrate the hell out of me sometimes. But I don't know if I want to study more neuroscience before I move on to cognitive science. I might just aim to try to take a lot of upper-division neuroscience courses here before I graduate.
Registration is coming up soon (3 weeks--way too far away actually), and GradPlanner current looks like this:
Fall 2010: Intro to Neuro. I, OChem Lab, Scientific Thought, Intro to Ethical Theory, and a history of science class because I love science and I still need to fulfill lib.ed. requirements
I'm personally scared about having TWO writing-intensive philosophy classes at the same time, especially because ethics is one of those branches in philosophy that I haven't read much on. I'm so so so excited for Scientific Thought though. Oh, and I'm super pumped for neuro I!
Spring 2011: Intro to Neuro. II, Zoology/Animal Phys.+Animal Diversity Lab OR Animal Behavior (I need both, but I'm pretty sure the won't work at the same time because those St. Paul classes conflict so much), ideally some literature class (lib.ed.), a philosophy class, and I really really really want to take Calc III because I need a "strong math record" for cognitive science
Fall 2011: Neuro Lab, an upper-division neuroscience class, Calc IV, and I think I want to write my senior paper for philosophy then too, and some other stuff (maybe take care of my last lib.ed.)
Spring 2012: An upper-division neuroscience class, Zoology/etc. or Animal Behavior (depending on which I take in 2011), and the rest is up to me, really...
Of course I have to insert directed research in somewhere, and I might want to take stats, some linguistics class, some upper-division cognitive psych class, some computer science class or ANYTHING cognitive science related.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Hmmm
I should blog more. Ugh. It's just difficult to organize your thoughts sometimes.
I'm tired, and writing the introduction for my yeast phylogeny paper is not the most interesting thing in the world.
I hateeeeeee it.
Sorry this post lacks substance so badly.
I'm tired, and writing the introduction for my yeast phylogeny paper is not the most interesting thing in the world.
I hateeeeeee it.
Sorry this post lacks substance so badly.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Ugh...
So much for a wonderful period of two weeks. I don't know why it feels so nice to try to keep a record of how long life can go on with me being completely happy (for the most part), but it just does, though now I sadly have to admit it's gone. I feel horrible, and it's my fault.
The thing is, I know I can genuinely be a nice and caring person. I know that there are people that can genuinely say that about me, not to sound conceited or anything, but I just know I can be that person. Or that I am that person. At least sometimes.
But there are times and situations when I just seriously need to stop being so mean and sarcastic to people I'm only that way to because I think they're cool, and I wouldn't bother with them otherwise. It's just, why can't I express it differently, y'know? Why do I have to go too far sometimes? It's like, I know I've crossed the line, but I still don't want to let people know I'm vulnerable to them when I really am.
I'm just so tired I don't want to write this anymore. But I'm hoping things will be better. I still feel horrible.
The thing is, I know I can genuinely be a nice and caring person. I know that there are people that can genuinely say that about me, not to sound conceited or anything, but I just know I can be that person. Or that I am that person. At least sometimes.
But there are times and situations when I just seriously need to stop being so mean and sarcastic to people I'm only that way to because I think they're cool, and I wouldn't bother with them otherwise. It's just, why can't I express it differently, y'know? Why do I have to go too far sometimes? It's like, I know I've crossed the line, but I still don't want to let people know I'm vulnerable to them when I really am.
I'm just so tired I don't want to write this anymore. But I'm hoping things will be better. I still feel horrible.
Friday I'm In Love (again)
Yeah, I'm recycling a title, but I love the song (even though my entire week has been good, really) and I'm glad it's Friday because I really haven't had much sleep all week. Plus, I'm excited to go into lab, how sad is that?
Ok, haha, so yesterday (Thursday) was simply hilarious.
I spent almost all of biology doing this really difficult sudoku. Then I found out my philosophy of psychology class was canceled--and I feel guilty for being way too happy about that, since the professor is out sick--so I finished the sudoku. Well, I actually messed it up, and it was funny because by then I was sitting in philosophy of quantum mechanics, and I tried to make certain boxes of the sudoku superpositions of different numbers. Nope, didn't work.
I was so tired, so I thought about skipping philosophy club that evening and just go home. But as I was waiting at the bus stop, Mike and Stephen came by (and they're such a hilarious pair), so I tagged along with them for lunch at Village Wok. I had a good lunch, the heaviest meal in a while. I haven't been having much appetite lately, but that was good.
Anyway, I decided not to skip philosophy club. I went to Moos to hang out with Manoja, and wow, we were so distracted. I don't think I read a single word of this article I was supposed to be reading, haha. We chatted until almost 6, when she had class and I had philosophy club--both around Dinkytown.
So I ended up going to philosophy club, which was fun even though I told Scott I didn't do the reading and was THAT close to going home. It was funny.
Good day.
Time to stop slacking off for real.
Ok, haha, so yesterday (Thursday) was simply hilarious.
I spent almost all of biology doing this really difficult sudoku. Then I found out my philosophy of psychology class was canceled--and I feel guilty for being way too happy about that, since the professor is out sick--so I finished the sudoku. Well, I actually messed it up, and it was funny because by then I was sitting in philosophy of quantum mechanics, and I tried to make certain boxes of the sudoku superpositions of different numbers. Nope, didn't work.
I was so tired, so I thought about skipping philosophy club that evening and just go home. But as I was waiting at the bus stop, Mike and Stephen came by (and they're such a hilarious pair), so I tagged along with them for lunch at Village Wok. I had a good lunch, the heaviest meal in a while. I haven't been having much appetite lately, but that was good.
Anyway, I decided not to skip philosophy club. I went to Moos to hang out with Manoja, and wow, we were so distracted. I don't think I read a single word of this article I was supposed to be reading, haha. We chatted until almost 6, when she had class and I had philosophy club--both around Dinkytown.
So I ended up going to philosophy club, which was fun even though I told Scott I didn't do the reading and was THAT close to going home. It was funny.
Good day.
Time to stop slacking off for real.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Happy Up Here
I tried to find a song with a title that fits how I'm feeling, so there you go. Royksopp's "Happy Up Here."
I'm happy, really. Life's nice. Life's been sweet for at least a week now. Nothing in particular (maybe?), but things have just been going well.
Maybe it's my lucky charm--I found an empty (unopened) bag of sugar a while ago so I kept it as my unofficial lucky charm :P
So today was good. I skipped Philosophy of Psychology to have lunch with Scott, because I don't think it'll ever happen if I wait until later in the week, since our schedules are crazy. I got my take-home midterm for Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics, and I'm so glad it's take-home. That class is a real killer when it comes to content. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep today in class even though the teacher was right in front of me. He was writing on the board a lot though.
After class was volunteering at Sheridan, which went awesome today. I even had a perfect cup of coffee from SuperAmerica (across the street from Sheridan). Hah, I said perfect because I usually mix things really weirdly there, but I recently discovered their bottle of powdered oreos, so I sprinkled that into my coffee, and it was beyond awesome. Except you had to keep stirring or you'll get too much oreos settling at the bottom.
Then I headed to the very amazing CBS bowling event. CBS is so awesome. I had so much fun, even though I had to leave 30 minutes before it was over.
But I'm glad I did because the Y-Scholars seminar this week was sooooo amazing as well. We had an off-site seminar at Noodles & Co., and it was a lot of fun. I love Y-Scholars so much. I'm applying to be a staff member next year, and they said there's not really competition for spots or anything since we can have as many as we want, I guess. So I'm excited for that.
Life is so nice right now. I can't believe this semester is rolling by so quickly. Soon it's going to be spring break, and the registration time, and then finals, and then it's going to be over. Remember when I was whining about how I hated this semester? It's so nice that life has proven me wrong about the semester. It's going great, and I'd say it's even better than last semester because the weather has just been so nice lately. Hmmm, but last semester we had the first snow and everything, didn't we? I don't know. It's not a contest. Life is awesome and I'm sounding really cheesy right now, but so what?
I'm happy, really. Life's nice. Life's been sweet for at least a week now. Nothing in particular (maybe?), but things have just been going well.
Maybe it's my lucky charm--I found an empty (unopened) bag of sugar a while ago so I kept it as my unofficial lucky charm :P
So today was good. I skipped Philosophy of Psychology to have lunch with Scott, because I don't think it'll ever happen if I wait until later in the week, since our schedules are crazy. I got my take-home midterm for Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics, and I'm so glad it's take-home. That class is a real killer when it comes to content. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep today in class even though the teacher was right in front of me. He was writing on the board a lot though.
After class was volunteering at Sheridan, which went awesome today. I even had a perfect cup of coffee from SuperAmerica (across the street from Sheridan). Hah, I said perfect because I usually mix things really weirdly there, but I recently discovered their bottle of powdered oreos, so I sprinkled that into my coffee, and it was beyond awesome. Except you had to keep stirring or you'll get too much oreos settling at the bottom.
Then I headed to the very amazing CBS bowling event. CBS is so awesome. I had so much fun, even though I had to leave 30 minutes before it was over.
But I'm glad I did because the Y-Scholars seminar this week was sooooo amazing as well. We had an off-site seminar at Noodles & Co., and it was a lot of fun. I love Y-Scholars so much. I'm applying to be a staff member next year, and they said there's not really competition for spots or anything since we can have as many as we want, I guess. So I'm excited for that.
Life is so nice right now. I can't believe this semester is rolling by so quickly. Soon it's going to be spring break, and the registration time, and then finals, and then it's going to be over. Remember when I was whining about how I hated this semester? It's so nice that life has proven me wrong about the semester. It's going great, and I'd say it's even better than last semester because the weather has just been so nice lately. Hmmm, but last semester we had the first snow and everything, didn't we? I don't know. It's not a contest. Life is awesome and I'm sounding really cheesy right now, but so what?
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