Excuse my language, but I walked out of my house today thinking: fuck depression, I have a great day at school ahead and an exciting future to look forward to. I know it rained later on in the day, but it was so nice and sunny outside. It was wonderful.
See, I'm definitely my better self when I'm on campus. Even walking around makes me feel inspired--I shouldn't say "even;" it's walking around that inspire me. I like beauty of the city and campus, especially now in the fall, although every season has its own charm. I like seeing people everywhere; it's a little lonely during the evenings and weekends when places are empty and everything is closed.
I love college. So much.
And Mew's "White Lips Kissed" is an amazing, amazing song.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Comforting Sounds
It's been a busy week. Philosophy midterm of Tuesday and psychology midterm today. The whole sleeping for 4-5 hours each night thing is getting to me. I've been completely exhausted during the day, and I couldn't sleep early at night because I had things to do--when I sleep before finishing my work, I end up waking up very early anyway. I went to sleep at about 2:30 last night, but I didn't finish everything I had to get done, so I woke up a few minutes before I set my alarm for (7:40 something; I don't know what it was because I always set it at weird times). And now I'm sort of done for the week. I mean, I have things I could be doing but I'm relatively free right now. At first I wanted to go shopping a bit, or maybe just go straight home to sleep. I decided to sit down at this computer lab to reflect on things a little.
I'm definitely having the withdrawal from a busy week. It's like, now what? Give me something to do! I don't want to sleep!
Well, I am tired, and I wish I could sleep, but have to admit I'm afraid of going home and being alone right now. Last night was just weird. I realized how wrong I've been about certain things. I realized how it's so hard to explain my happiness to others that now I question whether it was really happiness--whether this is really what I want. I judge others' happiness with my own ideals, under the assumption that they're not as ideally driven.
And it's all wrong.
And I realize the only thing I'm losing by being so busy with school/work/volunteering is not just sleep. I feel like I'm losing connection with people. I don't mean connection as in how much or how often we talk, although that is a little bit of a problem too. I mean how I relate and empathize with people. Maybe I've gained a little too much confidence that is illusory--I'm not more emotionally independent; I just more people in my life to bounce off of.
See, I don't even know what to write anymore at this point. I'm still debating whether I should go home right now.
You know what I really need right now? I need Mew's "Comforting Sounds." It's such a wonderful song to reflect upon because it ends with minutes and minutes of instrumentation that just leaves you to think. No words. Just... thoughts. Emotions. Whatever.
I don't know. I don't feel all right.
Edit:
I decided to go to Rosedale and get a new pair of boots, since I have a $20 off coupon anyway. It's lovely. I love it.
I got a book and one magazine about the brain that wasn't actually worth $7-8 at all. The stuff they write about in popular psychology/neuroscience is always the same.
My laptop is failing me. My files are okay--I backed them up in safe mode. I just don't want the laptop to die though. I'm on an older computer now.
Wow. It's midnight. I was supposed to be sleepy, but I guess I am actually not so right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be full of productivity.
I'm definitely having the withdrawal from a busy week. It's like, now what? Give me something to do! I don't want to sleep!
Well, I am tired, and I wish I could sleep, but have to admit I'm afraid of going home and being alone right now. Last night was just weird. I realized how wrong I've been about certain things. I realized how it's so hard to explain my happiness to others that now I question whether it was really happiness--whether this is really what I want. I judge others' happiness with my own ideals, under the assumption that they're not as ideally driven.
And it's all wrong.
And I realize the only thing I'm losing by being so busy with school/work/volunteering is not just sleep. I feel like I'm losing connection with people. I don't mean connection as in how much or how often we talk, although that is a little bit of a problem too. I mean how I relate and empathize with people. Maybe I've gained a little too much confidence that is illusory--I'm not more emotionally independent; I just more people in my life to bounce off of.
See, I don't even know what to write anymore at this point. I'm still debating whether I should go home right now.
You know what I really need right now? I need Mew's "Comforting Sounds." It's such a wonderful song to reflect upon because it ends with minutes and minutes of instrumentation that just leaves you to think. No words. Just... thoughts. Emotions. Whatever.
I don't know. I don't feel all right.
Edit:
I decided to go to Rosedale and get a new pair of boots, since I have a $20 off coupon anyway. It's lovely. I love it.
I got a book and one magazine about the brain that wasn't actually worth $7-8 at all. The stuff they write about in popular psychology/neuroscience is always the same.
My laptop is failing me. My files are okay--I backed them up in safe mode. I just don't want the laptop to die though. I'm on an older computer now.
Wow. It's midnight. I was supposed to be sleepy, but I guess I am actually not so right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be full of productivity.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Hallways
I know that I am young, but I will love another. And I know
that I’ll have fun, fun enough to bother, All the places I would
go where no one else could follow, in the long hallways of my
life.- "Hallways" by Robert Francis
Wow, this sounds so weird but I had the best studying experience of my life. Philosophy is awesome. It is inspirational. It is fun. It is everything to me.
Now I'm so tired, but I have some homework to do. Biology post-lab questions and some planning before I meet with my team tomorrow. I love my team. I have to study for psychology and read & answer questions for philosophy as well. Busy busy busy week, but I'm loving it.
But is that good? I'm too busy living my happy (for the most part) life while several important people in my life are not exactly their happiest. I feel like something is incomplete there.
Arrggh, I don't know what to say. I'm really tired and I have homework. Until next time.
that I’ll have fun, fun enough to bother, All the places I would
go where no one else could follow, in the long hallways of my
life.- "Hallways" by Robert Francis
Wow, this sounds so weird but I had the best studying experience of my life. Philosophy is awesome. It is inspirational. It is fun. It is everything to me.
Now I'm so tired, but I have some homework to do. Biology post-lab questions and some planning before I meet with my team tomorrow. I love my team. I have to study for psychology and read & answer questions for philosophy as well. Busy busy busy week, but I'm loving it.
But is that good? I'm too busy living my happy (for the most part) life while several important people in my life are not exactly their happiest. I feel like something is incomplete there.
Arrggh, I don't know what to say. I'm really tired and I have homework. Until next time.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Time to Pretend
Today was the U-YMCA fall clean-up, and it was seriously one of the best Saturdays I had as far as I could remember. In fact, it was one of the best days I've had this semester, and I've been having such amazing days.
See, I was not exactly looking forward to it at first because I knew it was going to be tiring, and it was, but from the moment I arrived at the Y and found my fellow Y-Scholars, I felt a lot better (people from other programs greatly outnumber us even though we're obviously the best ones :P). It was even better than my clean-up group consists of 3 of us Scholars (Ariel, Forrest, and me) and Megan from Tutors, who we never met before, but she's great.
MGMT's "Time to Pretend" was playing in Megan's car, and I love that song, hence the post title.
It was so funny that we went to the wrong house at first because we assumed the first digit on the mailbox was faded off (we went to house number 2 rather than 12). We were there in the car, writing in the thank you card, when a woman came out and was like, "Can I help you?" It was so funny because we were admiring the house--it was such a beautiful area, especially now in the fall. It turned out that the actual house was even prettier. Seriously. It's one of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen, and it's not because it looks super luxurious or anything. The house itself was small, but the yard was huge and the entire place felt like a forest every kid would dream of running around in. Christine and her husband, the house owners, were such sweet people. They bought pizza for us and even gave us the leftovers.
After four hours of raking leaves, I still felt energetic, but it wasn't long before the soreness comes. My back hurts so badly right now. I took a 2.5-hr nap, so I'm not exhausted anymore, but my back hurts like hell. So does my arm. Arggh.
The weather was amazing too. It was such a gorgeous day.
I think raking leaves in a fairy tale-esque forest-like place is the ultimate autumn experience... which reminds me, I need to get out there and do some autumn photography before all the leaves fall! I just fell in love with autumn.
And I have to admit I haven't been very positive about Y-Scholars this year, since it's not as how I remember it last year. But today I realize we're still our close-knit group, new members are now a part of us, and I absolutely love being a part of it. I really want to get involved more next year as a staff.
On a separate note, I hate how I can't check my email right now because of the university IT outage. I need to get in touch with my philosophy peeps, and this is not helping. I hope we're still able to meet tomorrow.
I'm going to work on my psychology homework and then do some more studying for philosophy. Cheers to a wonderful weekend.
See, I was not exactly looking forward to it at first because I knew it was going to be tiring, and it was, but from the moment I arrived at the Y and found my fellow Y-Scholars, I felt a lot better (people from other programs greatly outnumber us even though we're obviously the best ones :P). It was even better than my clean-up group consists of 3 of us Scholars (Ariel, Forrest, and me) and Megan from Tutors, who we never met before, but she's great.
MGMT's "Time to Pretend" was playing in Megan's car, and I love that song, hence the post title.
It was so funny that we went to the wrong house at first because we assumed the first digit on the mailbox was faded off (we went to house number 2 rather than 12). We were there in the car, writing in the thank you card, when a woman came out and was like, "Can I help you?" It was so funny because we were admiring the house--it was such a beautiful area, especially now in the fall. It turned out that the actual house was even prettier. Seriously. It's one of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen, and it's not because it looks super luxurious or anything. The house itself was small, but the yard was huge and the entire place felt like a forest every kid would dream of running around in. Christine and her husband, the house owners, were such sweet people. They bought pizza for us and even gave us the leftovers.
After four hours of raking leaves, I still felt energetic, but it wasn't long before the soreness comes. My back hurts so badly right now. I took a 2.5-hr nap, so I'm not exhausted anymore, but my back hurts like hell. So does my arm. Arggh.
The weather was amazing too. It was such a gorgeous day.
I think raking leaves in a fairy tale-esque forest-like place is the ultimate autumn experience... which reminds me, I need to get out there and do some autumn photography before all the leaves fall! I just fell in love with autumn.
And I have to admit I haven't been very positive about Y-Scholars this year, since it's not as how I remember it last year. But today I realize we're still our close-knit group, new members are now a part of us, and I absolutely love being a part of it. I really want to get involved more next year as a staff.
On a separate note, I hate how I can't check my email right now because of the university IT outage. I need to get in touch with my philosophy peeps, and this is not helping. I hope we're still able to meet tomorrow.
I'm going to work on my psychology homework and then do some more studying for philosophy. Cheers to a wonderful weekend.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Wild Young Hearts
It's Friday morning (1 AM), but this post is about Thursday. It turned out to be a wonderful day despite the lack of dinner sleep + lack of breakfast + lack of any real food until about 4 + feeling so tired/sleepy by late afternoon that I thought I was going to fall over while waiting for the bus.
It was a wonderful day because my philosophy class is amazing. Our professor was away (he told us he would be away), so we worked on our discussion project on our own until the last minute of class. Well, okay, I was kind of chatting with my group about random things like fake Chinese food, but the point is that we were there and it was fun. See, this is what I love about philosophy. People are actually in it because they love it. I can't say this about the majority of the science and engineering (and business) majors at all. I love philosophers because we're so intelligent and motivated, even though we don't have the best GPA. I don't mean philosophers as in philosophy majors; my class consists of half philosophy majors and half biology majors (I'm glad I fit into both categories). I'm referring to anyone who loves philosophy, and I think that includes all of us.
I can't wait for our study group tomorrow, errrm, later today. Haha, I'm so eager to study, but hey, hating on studying doesn't always make you cool. I studied so hard for biochem because I have a midterm at 9 AM, and I feel so proud of myself. I'm actually pretty good at memorizing chemical structures. I think I should start studying even earlier next time.
So as I mentioned above, I came home feeling so tired. I took a nap, and amazingly it was only 2 hours until I woke up feeling completely awake again. Now it's 1 AM and I'm still okay. I have to wake up around 5-6 so I am thinking about not sleeping. Hmmm. I don't know if that will be a good idea, especially since I haven't been getting much sleep in the past few nights, but I feel well-motivated.
I listened to Noisettes' "Wild Young Hearts" album again while studying. It's so good.
Damn this wild young heart...
It was a wonderful day because my philosophy class is amazing. Our professor was away (he told us he would be away), so we worked on our discussion project on our own until the last minute of class. Well, okay, I was kind of chatting with my group about random things like fake Chinese food, but the point is that we were there and it was fun. See, this is what I love about philosophy. People are actually in it because they love it. I can't say this about the majority of the science and engineering (and business) majors at all. I love philosophers because we're so intelligent and motivated, even though we don't have the best GPA. I don't mean philosophers as in philosophy majors; my class consists of half philosophy majors and half biology majors (I'm glad I fit into both categories). I'm referring to anyone who loves philosophy, and I think that includes all of us.
I can't wait for our study group tomorrow, errrm, later today. Haha, I'm so eager to study, but hey, hating on studying doesn't always make you cool. I studied so hard for biochem because I have a midterm at 9 AM, and I feel so proud of myself. I'm actually pretty good at memorizing chemical structures. I think I should start studying even earlier next time.
So as I mentioned above, I came home feeling so tired. I took a nap, and amazingly it was only 2 hours until I woke up feeling completely awake again. Now it's 1 AM and I'm still okay. I have to wake up around 5-6 so I am thinking about not sleeping. Hmmm. I don't know if that will be a good idea, especially since I haven't been getting much sleep in the past few nights, but I feel well-motivated.
I listened to Noisettes' "Wild Young Hearts" album again while studying. It's so good.
Damn this wild young heart...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Higher than the Stars
Song of the post: Higher than the Stars by The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
What a great song.
Wow, what a day. I woke up feeling not too well. Like I said before, I hardly ever get sick anymore, but sometimes my head would feel funny. Somehow I became a little crazy today in BIOL 2002, haha, but my team members are awesome.
I had concept lab from 10:40-12:35 (except we had a lot of free time today, so we just chatted for about half an hour--I was having dumb arguments with Udi, who probably think I have issues/OCD/ADHD and is overall crazy now, haha.)
Then I had lab from 12:50 to 3:50, but it actually went until 4:30. Ugh. I can't believe I was in that building for six hours. Of course it wasn't better when I came out because it was raining and it was cold. I quickly grabbed a Subway and then headed over to the East Bank to tutor chemistry. Then I had a large cup of iced mocha from Starbucks before coming home because I know I'll need it. I have a report to write and an over 20-page paper to read (plus answer questions) for philosophy, and I have to study for biochem, which is giving me a hard time right now.
Tomorrow will be full of studying (for biochem), and Friday will consist of running around a lot (biochem exam -> tutor ochem -> tour of a research lab -> class -> meet with cool people to study for our philosophy midterm). Saturday will be tiring because of the fall clean-up with the U-YMCA, and hopefully the weather will be nice for that. Sunday has been following the same routine of reading for biology and tutoring physics.
I'd like to write more, but I have a lot to get done, and I should do that before the caffeine wears out, haha.
Honestly, caffeine and sugar doesn't compare to reading awesome philosophy. Reading even just a few pages from Thomas Nagel's The View From Nowhere has been getting me all excited and motivated to study. I don't know... one of the reason why I wanted to study neuroscience is because I thought it could explain so much. It's being exposed to Nagel's philosophy that changed my view on how much science can tell ever tell us, and it doesn't bother me at all.
But... I really should get busy right now, so I'll expand on this at another time.
What a great song.
Wow, what a day. I woke up feeling not too well. Like I said before, I hardly ever get sick anymore, but sometimes my head would feel funny. Somehow I became a little crazy today in BIOL 2002, haha, but my team members are awesome.
I had concept lab from 10:40-12:35 (except we had a lot of free time today, so we just chatted for about half an hour--I was having dumb arguments with Udi, who probably think I have issues/OCD/ADHD and is overall crazy now, haha.)
Then I had lab from 12:50 to 3:50, but it actually went until 4:30. Ugh. I can't believe I was in that building for six hours. Of course it wasn't better when I came out because it was raining and it was cold. I quickly grabbed a Subway and then headed over to the East Bank to tutor chemistry. Then I had a large cup of iced mocha from Starbucks before coming home because I know I'll need it. I have a report to write and an over 20-page paper to read (plus answer questions) for philosophy, and I have to study for biochem, which is giving me a hard time right now.
Tomorrow will be full of studying (for biochem), and Friday will consist of running around a lot (biochem exam -> tutor ochem -> tour of a research lab -> class -> meet with cool people to study for our philosophy midterm). Saturday will be tiring because of the fall clean-up with the U-YMCA, and hopefully the weather will be nice for that. Sunday has been following the same routine of reading for biology and tutoring physics.
I'd like to write more, but I have a lot to get done, and I should do that before the caffeine wears out, haha.
Honestly, caffeine and sugar doesn't compare to reading awesome philosophy. Reading even just a few pages from Thomas Nagel's The View From Nowhere has been getting me all excited and motivated to study. I don't know... one of the reason why I wanted to study neuroscience is because I thought it could explain so much. It's being exposed to Nagel's philosophy that changed my view on how much science can tell ever tell us, and it doesn't bother me at all.
But... I really should get busy right now, so I'll expand on this at another time.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Before Nightfall / The Listening
I just bought two awesome albums from iTunes, and I'm advertising them because they are really good.
One is Robert Francis' "Before Nightfall" (the single "Junebug" is free this week, so you can even just grab that--I decided to buy the entire album based on that, actually)
The other is Lights' "The Listening." I got her "Saviour" (she's Canadian, hence the spelling) EP a while back, and I've been listening to both "Savior" (the song) and "The Listening" (also the song, jeez, all the titles make things confusing, haha). She's like the female version of Owl City, and they're actually touring together soon, which is awesome minus the fact that I don't see a MN date :( though Lights will be here on her own at the end of the month...
Here's "The Listening."
Boring part of this post: I'm writing a lab report and has to go back to it now, while listening to the music I mentioned above.
One is Robert Francis' "Before Nightfall" (the single "Junebug" is free this week, so you can even just grab that--I decided to buy the entire album based on that, actually)
The other is Lights' "The Listening." I got her "Saviour" (she's Canadian, hence the spelling) EP a while back, and I've been listening to both "Savior" (the song) and "The Listening" (also the song, jeez, all the titles make things confusing, haha). She's like the female version of Owl City, and they're actually touring together soon, which is awesome minus the fact that I don't see a MN date :( though Lights will be here on her own at the end of the month...
Here's "The Listening."
Boring part of this post: I'm writing a lab report and has to go back to it now, while listening to the music I mentioned above.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Living In The Sky With Diamonds
Yay, it's Friday! I had no class today, but I was occupied for most of the day anyway. Here's how it went:
10ish: arrived on campus and ate yet another bagel + drank a cup of coffee; prepared for tutoring
11-12:10: tutored OChem. I think it went fairly well. To be honest, I learned a lot of stuff I never knew before last night. If it seriously didn't do anything for my student (which I highly doubt because I don't think I'm that stupid), it did help me.
-fill out tutor form and walk/bus back to Coffman (the place where I work is so inconveniently far away)
12:30-almost 3: drafted out my lab report and did some research for it; had lunch
3:30-5: listened to this public lecture that I didn't half understood, but that's okay
5:15-6:30: had a huge iced chai and chatted with Stephen about random stuff. Too bad Jenna wasn't there today, since three slightly weird/crazy/cool people are better than two.
6:45-8:30, I think: met Bhuvani, chatted around a little bit, and went to the Casino Night thing in Coffman. It was actually quite fun :)
I came home to find that the book I ordered has arrived! I was planning on working on my lab report a bit, but I decided I'll leave the whole of TOMORROW to deal with that. One day is fair, isn't it? (I'll figure out next week onward from that point)
So tonight is saved for Thomas Nagel's A View From Nowhere. Based on two articles/papers that I've read, this guy is definitely my favorite and most influential philosopher. And listen to the most awesome part: this guy is still alive! Whoaaaaa!
Anyway, I read the intro of this book online and so excited to read this book! Time to read and get ready to be really hard-working tomorrow! :)
Well, okay, after I take care of my cat.
Song of the post is what I've been listening to a lot in the past few days: Cobra Starship's "Living In The Sky With Diamonds." To be honest, this was the song that popped into my head during the first week of school at the moment I knew this was going to be an amazing semester. It was probably after my philosophy class. So it has come to represent happiness, and I guess I'm quite happy right now because life is overall good and I have an awesome book to read (after dealing with the cat)!!
10ish: arrived on campus and ate yet another bagel + drank a cup of coffee; prepared for tutoring
11-12:10: tutored OChem. I think it went fairly well. To be honest, I learned a lot of stuff I never knew before last night. If it seriously didn't do anything for my student (which I highly doubt because I don't think I'm that stupid), it did help me.
-fill out tutor form and walk/bus back to Coffman (the place where I work is so inconveniently far away)
12:30-almost 3: drafted out my lab report and did some research for it; had lunch
3:30-5: listened to this public lecture that I didn't half understood, but that's okay
5:15-6:30: had a huge iced chai and chatted with Stephen about random stuff. Too bad Jenna wasn't there today, since three slightly weird/crazy/cool people are better than two.
6:45-8:30, I think: met Bhuvani, chatted around a little bit, and went to the Casino Night thing in Coffman. It was actually quite fun :)
I came home to find that the book I ordered has arrived! I was planning on working on my lab report a bit, but I decided I'll leave the whole of TOMORROW to deal with that. One day is fair, isn't it? (I'll figure out next week onward from that point)
So tonight is saved for Thomas Nagel's A View From Nowhere. Based on two articles/papers that I've read, this guy is definitely my favorite and most influential philosopher. And listen to the most awesome part: this guy is still alive! Whoaaaaa!
Anyway, I read the intro of this book online and so excited to read this book! Time to read and get ready to be really hard-working tomorrow! :)
Well, okay, after I take care of my cat.
Song of the post is what I've been listening to a lot in the past few days: Cobra Starship's "Living In The Sky With Diamonds." To be honest, this was the song that popped into my head during the first week of school at the moment I knew this was going to be an amazing semester. It was probably after my philosophy class. So it has come to represent happiness, and I guess I'm quite happy right now because life is overall good and I have an awesome book to read (after dealing with the cat)!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sometimes
It snowed today, and I loved it. I had to be outside quite a lot, so I have every right to say that. In fact, I'd have every right to love the snow even if I don't have to be outside, but I don't know if I'd actually love it if I did not need to deal with it so much. Complicated sentence summarized, I love snow, and I realized I judge people a little based on whether they love or hate snow.
Today wasn't such a great day for me, grade-wise. I got C's in my psychology and biochemistry exam, although a C in biochemistry would be an F (which stands for effing horrible) in another class, whereas a C in psychology is still okay. I have homework grades to help me with psychology, so I am not too worried. I'm studying harder for biochem next time, so hopefully I won't have to inflict pain upon something. Just kidding, I don't do that kind of thing anyway (duh, did I even have to assure you I don't?)
I watched about a third of the lectures for the next exam last weekend and read two chapters today for three hours. The exam is next Friday, so hopefully I'm doing a good job at keeping up. I hate grades so much. They unnecessarily make people feel like shit when in reality, you don't need super awesome grades to do super awesome things.
By the way, good news for me, philosophy club is on Thursday this week, so I won't have to make a compromise with the YMCA.
Today I was listening to Noisettes' "Wild Young Hearts" album while studying at Wilson. My favorite song of theirs right now is "Sometimes," which you should listen to. The vocalist makes the group seem kind of wild, but this song is really calming. Well, the sound of it is. The lyrics put me in a reflective mood, which is more on the sad side. But I love it anyway.
Sometimes by Noisettes
I am an island underneath the setting sun
In an ocean that is churning
For all I know there might be nobody nearby
Still, the world, it keeps on turning
And when that sun goes down
It gets brighter in my heart somehow
I don't know why this is
But it's what I want to know
Sometimes we start over
And go solo
We're looking for
That summer home
Beside the sea
And for the future
Since I left you I'm a gold balloon that wanders high
I won't sing through rainbows and showers
Taking lovers just might keep my tears at bay
But they can break at any hour
By candle-light you seem
To deepen in your mysteries
Confusing forces move
At the tides of these seas
Sometimes we start over
And go solo
We're looking for
The ones we've hurt
Just to forgive us
In the future
Sometimes we start over
And go solo
No metaphors
Are needed from
This time onwards
In the-
Sooooome
Oooooooh
Aaaaaaah
Oooooooh
And when the sun goes down
It gets brighter in my heart somehow
I don't know why this is
But it's what I'd like to know
Sometimes we start over
And go solo
We're looking for
The ones we've hurt
Just to forgive us
In the future
Sometimes we start over
And just go solo
No metaphors
Are needed from
This time onwards
In this song
All right, time to read for philosophy.
Today wasn't such a great day for me, grade-wise. I got C's in my psychology and biochemistry exam, although a C in biochemistry would be an F (which stands for effing horrible) in another class, whereas a C in psychology is still okay. I have homework grades to help me with psychology, so I am not too worried. I'm studying harder for biochem next time, so hopefully I won't have to inflict pain upon something. Just kidding, I don't do that kind of thing anyway (duh, did I even have to assure you I don't?)
I watched about a third of the lectures for the next exam last weekend and read two chapters today for three hours. The exam is next Friday, so hopefully I'm doing a good job at keeping up. I hate grades so much. They unnecessarily make people feel like shit when in reality, you don't need super awesome grades to do super awesome things.
By the way, good news for me, philosophy club is on Thursday this week, so I won't have to make a compromise with the YMCA.
Today I was listening to Noisettes' "Wild Young Hearts" album while studying at Wilson. My favorite song of theirs right now is "Sometimes," which you should listen to. The vocalist makes the group seem kind of wild, but this song is really calming. Well, the sound of it is. The lyrics put me in a reflective mood, which is more on the sad side. But I love it anyway.
Sometimes by Noisettes
I am an island underneath the setting sun
In an ocean that is churning
For all I know there might be nobody nearby
Still, the world, it keeps on turning
And when that sun goes down
It gets brighter in my heart somehow
I don't know why this is
But it's what I want to know
Sometimes we start over
And go solo
We're looking for
That summer home
Beside the sea
And for the future
Since I left you I'm a gold balloon that wanders high
I won't sing through rainbows and showers
Taking lovers just might keep my tears at bay
But they can break at any hour
By candle-light you seem
To deepen in your mysteries
Confusing forces move
At the tides of these seas
Sometimes we start over
And go solo
We're looking for
The ones we've hurt
Just to forgive us
In the future
Sometimes we start over
And go solo
No metaphors
Are needed from
This time onwards
In the-
Sooooome
Oooooooh
Aaaaaaah
Oooooooh
And when the sun goes down
It gets brighter in my heart somehow
I don't know why this is
But it's what I'd like to know
Sometimes we start over
And go solo
We're looking for
The ones we've hurt
Just to forgive us
In the future
Sometimes we start over
And just go solo
No metaphors
Are needed from
This time onwards
In this song
All right, time to read for philosophy.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Never Forget You
On Friday I met up with Jenna and Stephen, who are definitely in my unofficial list of favorite people ever. It's a little nostalgic, really. I can't believe it's been a year since our intro to philosophy class. I remember when philosophy was fun and simply inspirational. Now it's more like a challenge for me. It's not that I don't like it anymore--I still love it. I guess I haven't been reading the stuff I'm really into lately, but is going to change because I read a preview of one of Thomas Nagel's book and ordered it today.
I read the preview while I was supposed to be research-hunting a few days ago. Yeah, about that, I found some research projects I'd actually would be very interested in working on. I actually am hoping I could start at least volunteering in a lab next semester. I'll see how that goes.
Today was my last day volunteering at the WRC. It was sad. I complain about squirrels all the time because sometimes it gets overwhelming when there are so many to feed (actually there was only about 3 weeks where it was actually busy). But squirrels are so lovely. It's sad that you feed them and they still grow up to growl at you anyway, but that's for their own good, I guess. I love squirrels.
As I was leaving the WRC, I finally had the chance to read the quote that was framed in the volunteers lounge (if that's what it's called).
"We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals. Remote from universal nature, and living by complicated artifice, man in civilization surveys the creature through the glass of his knowledge and sees thereby a feather magnified and the whole image in distortion. We patronize them for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate of having taken form so far below ourselves. And therein we err, and greatly err. For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth." - Henry Beston
See, this is one of the reasons why I like biology. I'm a humanist--I admire the greatness of human achievements and value all these qualities that make us different from other creatures. But sometimes you just have to take a step back and realize that there's a bigger world out there. I don't agree with any system of belief that pretend humans are intrinsically above everything else--in the eyes of God or whoever. Plants really fascinate me in the philosophical sense, by the way.
Okay, so I finally got to catch up on some TV shows. I really wish I watched more shows. There seem to be a lot of good ones out there. I want to watch one of those geeky ones so I can be more of a geek, haha. But somehow I end up watching stuff like Gossip Girl, which is good entertainment. One Tree Hill is still my favorite, mainly for the music and the deepness (depth?). I over-analyze everything and get so much out of the simplest things.
It's late (past 2 AM), so I'm going to sleep after maybe watching one more episode of Gossip Girl, haha. Tomorrow will hopefully be a productive day of biochem, logic, and biology. And hopefully I'll get my philosophy reading assignment for Tuesday before Monday afternoon this week. Jeez.
Here's a good song that inspired the title of this post: Noisettes' "Never Forget You"
I read the preview while I was supposed to be research-hunting a few days ago. Yeah, about that, I found some research projects I'd actually would be very interested in working on. I actually am hoping I could start at least volunteering in a lab next semester. I'll see how that goes.
Today was my last day volunteering at the WRC. It was sad. I complain about squirrels all the time because sometimes it gets overwhelming when there are so many to feed (actually there was only about 3 weeks where it was actually busy). But squirrels are so lovely. It's sad that you feed them and they still grow up to growl at you anyway, but that's for their own good, I guess. I love squirrels.
As I was leaving the WRC, I finally had the chance to read the quote that was framed in the volunteers lounge (if that's what it's called).
"We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals. Remote from universal nature, and living by complicated artifice, man in civilization surveys the creature through the glass of his knowledge and sees thereby a feather magnified and the whole image in distortion. We patronize them for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate of having taken form so far below ourselves. And therein we err, and greatly err. For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth." - Henry Beston
See, this is one of the reasons why I like biology. I'm a humanist--I admire the greatness of human achievements and value all these qualities that make us different from other creatures. But sometimes you just have to take a step back and realize that there's a bigger world out there. I don't agree with any system of belief that pretend humans are intrinsically above everything else--in the eyes of God or whoever. Plants really fascinate me in the philosophical sense, by the way.
Okay, so I finally got to catch up on some TV shows. I really wish I watched more shows. There seem to be a lot of good ones out there. I want to watch one of those geeky ones so I can be more of a geek, haha. But somehow I end up watching stuff like Gossip Girl, which is good entertainment. One Tree Hill is still my favorite, mainly for the music and the deepness (depth?). I over-analyze everything and get so much out of the simplest things.
It's late (past 2 AM), so I'm going to sleep after maybe watching one more episode of Gossip Girl, haha. Tomorrow will hopefully be a productive day of biochem, logic, and biology. And hopefully I'll get my philosophy reading assignment for Tuesday before Monday afternoon this week. Jeez.
Here's a good song that inspired the title of this post: Noisettes' "Never Forget You"
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Two Birds
My head feels funny. I'm not exactly sick, and I don't even have a headache. But I feel like it's half there. My head has been feeling sluggish for most of the past few days. Come to think of it, I haven't been actually sick for years already, but I've experience this "half sick"-ness from time to time.
I didn't think this was going to be a busy week, but I stayed up late on Monday night studying for a cognitive psychology exam, Tuesday night reading articles for biology, and Wednesday night reading and summarizing a philosophy article. Right now I have to look up three faculty members who are doing research in an area I find interesting for my gateway to research seminar. Well, it's more like finding research I find interesting AND understand--that's the difficult part. I hate to say this, but I'm sick of reading scientific articles. They're just too complicated for me at this point. I've had to read way too many so far this semester. I love the world of academia, but sometimes I'm overwhelmed.
So that's on the agenda. I'm excited about working on a research project though.
Right now I have a time conflict. Y-Scholars meet EVERY Tuesday at the exact time as philosophy club. I'm torn because I don't want to choose at all, so I might have to run from one to the other. I just hope they understand.
And I got another student to tutor! So now I'm dealing with chemistry, organic chemistry, and physics. Honestly, I'm happy to be doing all these things that help others--tutoring and volunteering. Screw having a perfect GPA. It doesn't limit me from what really matters. In conclusion, the Honors Program is dumb. And I'm still a hypocrite because I'm still considering applying.
You know, listening to music is helping my head quite a bit. I think I'm ready to go research-hunting again. My album of the week is Regina Spektor's "Far." It's been on repeat for the past few days. I love every single song.
Okay, time to get back to work.
I didn't think this was going to be a busy week, but I stayed up late on Monday night studying for a cognitive psychology exam, Tuesday night reading articles for biology, and Wednesday night reading and summarizing a philosophy article. Right now I have to look up three faculty members who are doing research in an area I find interesting for my gateway to research seminar. Well, it's more like finding research I find interesting AND understand--that's the difficult part. I hate to say this, but I'm sick of reading scientific articles. They're just too complicated for me at this point. I've had to read way too many so far this semester. I love the world of academia, but sometimes I'm overwhelmed.
So that's on the agenda. I'm excited about working on a research project though.
Right now I have a time conflict. Y-Scholars meet EVERY Tuesday at the exact time as philosophy club. I'm torn because I don't want to choose at all, so I might have to run from one to the other. I just hope they understand.
And I got another student to tutor! So now I'm dealing with chemistry, organic chemistry, and physics. Honestly, I'm happy to be doing all these things that help others--tutoring and volunteering. Screw having a perfect GPA. It doesn't limit me from what really matters. In conclusion, the Honors Program is dumb. And I'm still a hypocrite because I'm still considering applying.
You know, listening to music is helping my head quite a bit. I think I'm ready to go research-hunting again. My album of the week is Regina Spektor's "Far." It's been on repeat for the past few days. I love every single song.
Okay, time to get back to work.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Sometimes Life Isn't Easy
I'm tutoring physics tomorrow. I'm nervous but also excited because physics is math-based and math is kind of my tutoring specialty.
For my gateway to research seminar, I have to look up three faculty member that I would like to work with in their research project. Another nervous and exciting thing. I don't understand any of the research papers I tried to read. Damn you neuroscience for being so complicated and technical. I might look up some psychology research I could do.
Before the end of this seminar, we'd ideally get ourselves into research for either spring or summer, or some other time but I'm definitely aiming for either spring or summer. Actually, it might be summer just because of other things I'm already involved with during the regular semesters. I have to take Biol 2003 and 2004, Genetics, a philosophy class (haven't chosen one yet), and --difficult decision here-- either another philosophy class or something that fulfills a liberal education requirement. Ideally, it'd be a philosophy class. But I still have three requirements to meet. ARGH. I don't mind them requirements. I just have so many other classes I want or need to take too!
This is an extremely nerdy list to make, but if I could have 10 majors I'd do these:
1. Neuroscience
2. Philosophy
3. Psychology
4. English
5. Linguistics
6. History
7. Mathematics
8. Physics
9. Chemistry/Biochemistry
10. Computer Science
(History of Science would be on the list if it were a U of M major and not just a minor)
And I'd minor in a zillion things.
See, I know that in the future I don't ever want to escape the academic environment. I want to do research. I want to get a PhD, possibly multiple PhD's. I don't want to be in the "real world." It scares me.
I hate the idea of a "career" career. Like, something you do simply to get good money to sustain a life. I'm living a life right now. Don't you stop and think about it sometimes? That all this being tired from school work and everything else you think will help you in the future are your life. It's the real thing, not just some preparation for something bigger. It is THE real thing.
I'm feeling good right now, like the "life is all right" and the "I'm not vulnerable" kind of good. I should entertain myself for the night. Maybe I'll watch a movie or read some philosophy.
...I'm still so in love with Mew. Such an amazing band :D
So I realize the title of this post is ironic, since this post was about good things. But it's a song by Mew and I personally I think the lyrics speak of life in an optimistic way. Here we go, here we go...
For my gateway to research seminar, I have to look up three faculty member that I would like to work with in their research project. Another nervous and exciting thing. I don't understand any of the research papers I tried to read. Damn you neuroscience for being so complicated and technical. I might look up some psychology research I could do.
Before the end of this seminar, we'd ideally get ourselves into research for either spring or summer, or some other time but I'm definitely aiming for either spring or summer. Actually, it might be summer just because of other things I'm already involved with during the regular semesters. I have to take Biol 2003 and 2004, Genetics, a philosophy class (haven't chosen one yet), and --difficult decision here-- either another philosophy class or something that fulfills a liberal education requirement. Ideally, it'd be a philosophy class. But I still have three requirements to meet. ARGH. I don't mind them requirements. I just have so many other classes I want or need to take too!
This is an extremely nerdy list to make, but if I could have 10 majors I'd do these:
1. Neuroscience
2. Philosophy
3. Psychology
4. English
5. Linguistics
6. History
7. Mathematics
8. Physics
9. Chemistry/Biochemistry
10. Computer Science
(History of Science would be on the list if it were a U of M major and not just a minor)
And I'd minor in a zillion things.
See, I know that in the future I don't ever want to escape the academic environment. I want to do research. I want to get a PhD, possibly multiple PhD's. I don't want to be in the "real world." It scares me.
I hate the idea of a "career" career. Like, something you do simply to get good money to sustain a life. I'm living a life right now. Don't you stop and think about it sometimes? That all this being tired from school work and everything else you think will help you in the future are your life. It's the real thing, not just some preparation for something bigger. It is THE real thing.
I'm feeling good right now, like the "life is all right" and the "I'm not vulnerable" kind of good. I should entertain myself for the night. Maybe I'll watch a movie or read some philosophy.
...I'm still so in love with Mew. Such an amazing band :D
So I realize the title of this post is ironic, since this post was about good things. But it's a song by Mew and I personally I think the lyrics speak of life in an optimistic way. Here we go, here we go...
Friday, October 2, 2009
Bang Bang You're Dead
That's to this week. I'm officially done with it. THANK GOODNESS. Let's recap a little:
Monday - Biology + lab from 10:40-3:50, then meeting with group from 4-5, then I had to get home early and wait a little bit and we went out to dinner, where I finally got to eat for the first time since morning. We got home at 9:30, and I was so so so tired but I had to write a summary of one very confusing article for philosophy. I decided to go to sleep at 11 something and woke up early to work on it.
Tuesday - Came home late and studied hard for the biology exam.
Wednesday - Exam + lab + paper to write + some other homework (this was probably the most relaxing day of the week) + biology group stuff
Thursday - Biology group assignment due at midnight. OMFG. I love my team though. All nine of us were online at once to deal with everything perfectly. We're such a happy family. Then it was studying for biochem, which went badly because I only had TWO hours of sleep last night. Damn you online class. I learned 80% of the stuff yesterday because I've been putting it off.
Friday - Biochem exam. I totally guessed on one part but my reasoning seemed perfect so I'm hoping it's right. I realized I'm good at memorizing structures and numbers, but I had noooo clue how to answer the paragraph questions. So naturally I BS'd it. Then it's time for the take-home part of the biology exam. I seriously did it as quickly as I could because it was annoying and I was so so so so sick of all the school work already!
And now I'm finally free and my brain is confused. FREE TIME? Really?
...of course I should be studying or something... ugh.
Monday - Biology + lab from 10:40-3:50, then meeting with group from 4-5, then I had to get home early and wait a little bit and we went out to dinner, where I finally got to eat for the first time since morning. We got home at 9:30, and I was so so so tired but I had to write a summary of one very confusing article for philosophy. I decided to go to sleep at 11 something and woke up early to work on it.
Tuesday - Came home late and studied hard for the biology exam.
Wednesday - Exam + lab + paper to write + some other homework (this was probably the most relaxing day of the week) + biology group stuff
Thursday - Biology group assignment due at midnight. OMFG. I love my team though. All nine of us were online at once to deal with everything perfectly. We're such a happy family. Then it was studying for biochem, which went badly because I only had TWO hours of sleep last night. Damn you online class. I learned 80% of the stuff yesterday because I've been putting it off.
Friday - Biochem exam. I totally guessed on one part but my reasoning seemed perfect so I'm hoping it's right. I realized I'm good at memorizing structures and numbers, but I had noooo clue how to answer the paragraph questions. So naturally I BS'd it. Then it's time for the take-home part of the biology exam. I seriously did it as quickly as I could because it was annoying and I was so so so so sick of all the school work already!
And now I'm finally free and my brain is confused. FREE TIME? Really?
...of course I should be studying or something... ugh.
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