Comforting Sounds

It's been a busy week. Philosophy midterm of Tuesday and psychology midterm today. The whole sleeping for 4-5 hours each night thing is getting to me. I've been completely exhausted during the day, and I couldn't sleep early at night because I had things to do--when I sleep before finishing my work, I end up waking up very early anyway. I went to sleep at about 2:30 last night, but I didn't finish everything I had to get done, so I woke up a few minutes before I set my alarm for (7:40 something; I don't know what it was because I always set it at weird times). And now I'm sort of done for the week. I mean, I have things I could be doing but I'm relatively free right now. At first I wanted to go shopping a bit, or maybe just go straight home to sleep. I decided to sit down at this computer lab to reflect on things a little.

I'm definitely having the withdrawal from a busy week. It's like, now what? Give me something to do! I don't want to sleep!

Well, I am tired, and I wish I could sleep, but have to admit I'm afraid of going home and being alone right now. Last night was just weird. I realized how wrong I've been about certain things. I realized how it's so hard to explain my happiness to others that now I question whether it was really happiness--whether this is really what I want. I judge others' happiness with my own ideals, under the assumption that they're not as ideally driven.

And it's all wrong.

And I realize the only thing I'm losing by being so busy with school/work/volunteering is not just sleep. I feel like I'm losing connection with people. I don't mean connection as in how much or how often we talk, although that is a little bit of a problem too. I mean how I relate and empathize with people. Maybe I've gained a little too much confidence that is illusory--I'm not more emotionally independent; I just more people in my life to bounce off of.

See, I don't even know what to write anymore at this point. I'm still debating whether I should go home right now.

You know what I really need right now? I need Mew's "Comforting Sounds." It's such a wonderful song to reflect upon because it ends with minutes and minutes of instrumentation that just leaves you to think. No words. Just... thoughts. Emotions. Whatever.

I don't know. I don't feel all right.

Edit:

I decided to go to Rosedale and get a new pair of boots, since I have a $20 off coupon anyway. It's lovely. I love it.

I got a book and one magazine about the brain that wasn't actually worth $7-8 at all. The stuff they write about in popular psychology/neuroscience is always the same.

My laptop is failing me. My files are okay--I backed them up in safe mode. I just don't want the laptop to die though. I'm on an older computer now.

Wow. It's midnight. I was supposed to be sleepy, but I guess I am actually not so right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be full of productivity.